Ask Intern Sydney

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1. So when you walk around campus do people usually recognize you and wanna talk to you since you’re semi famous from TFM..? Or does nobody really notice?

It happens a lot, but it’s really only in settings when people are drunk.

2. First of all, I appreciate your article. Every week, I learn new things to say to my coworkers to rip them up. You roasting others gives me encouragement to take some people down a peg or two. Therefore, I have a two part question:

Who was the ass that beat you out for most humorous?

Thanks and keep on killing it.

(Editor’s Note: that’s a one-part question, you idiot)

First, thank you for appreciating and understanding my humor. Half the inbreds on here have the sense of humor of a rock. As much as I’d love to tear apart the girl that beat me out for most humorous, things may be awkward if I see her around my hometown. Let’s just say her following to follower ratio is negative, and we all know that’s what justifies your worth.

3. Are you on the left or right in your twitter avi?

In the amount of time it took you to look up my email and send this, you could have literally looked at any other social media of mine and answered this question for yourself.

4. As a not-your-typical-numbskull human being, I’m curious about your ideas of fraternity culture and its potential for change. I understand fraternities differ on each campus and I’m never much a fan of generalizations, but in your experienced opinion, what changes do you think need to be made to university policies to quell the misogyny and hegemonic masculinity being perpetuated by the values they promote? I attend the University of Iowa, a campus (among others) with a serious date rape drug problem — I need 2 hands too many to count how many of my friends have been taken advantage of (most often under the roof of a fraternity structure) in such a way, and often I hear about a lack of, or virtually zero response from University officials to such attacks. Sure, we get automated campus alerts if they’re caught in the act, but I’m sure I’m not the only one who feels that the university should be giving their whole effort in the PREVENTION of such crimes, more than optional educationals and fair tables distributing info cards, which are often student organizations and local activist movements, and not the university itself anyways. Is such a thing possible to prevent at least to a greater extent, and how would you go about doing it?

Why the hell is your question so long? And is this some kind of interview for Fox News? Also, not sure what kind of school you go to or if you pay attention to the media, but fraternities everywhere are getting shut down for doing literally nothing. So I find it hard to believe specific fraternities have a date rape problem and the school is doing nothing about it when fraternities at other campuses are getting kicked off for making pledges eat a jar of peanut butter. Anyways, I didn’t read your entire message because I lost interest a fourth of the way through and I’m not a social activist looking for reform.

5. Sydney, if nice looking, sweet talking girls only go for douchebags at my age (19) whats a gentlemen to do who’s just trying to make out and things with some nice ladies?

I think girls at any age go for douchebags. Not sure what this phenomenon is, but it seems inevitable. My best advice is be a douchebag.

6. What should i do to become more attractive appearance wise.

Thank you for specifying “appearance wise” as there is no way I would have known that’s what you were talking about. Also, I have absolutely no idea what you look like, and your name is too common to stalk you on social media. I’d be more than glad to point out all your flaws if you’d like to include a photo next time.

7. Marry Pro Athlete or Rich Businessman/Entrepreneur? Explanation would be appreciated.

My dad is a sports agent, so I’ve grown up around professional athletes my entire life. As much fun as these guys are, they’re usually pretty awful with money and let the fame get to their heads. Rich businessman/entrepreneur all the way.

8. For guys who understand the middle ground you talk about and generally do well with girls they know or meet in person; how would you recommend trying to “slide into” a girls DM?

I really don’t think sliding in the DMs is creepy, unless you go about it in a creepy way (this does not mean any of you should DM me, I still won’t respond). My longest relationship actually began with ME sliding in the DMs. That’s right, girls can and should DM too. Anyways, I recommend a compliment that’s not too over the top or some kind of simple hello. It all really depends on the girl and what the vibe of her personality is. And please, for the love of god do not send dick pics.

9. So next year I’m going to be a freshman in college, and my current girlfriend will still be a senior in high school. We are going to be in different states for school, so I wouldn’t be able to see her very often. What do I do? Should I break up with her before I leave for college? Or should I stick things out and see if things still work out between us? Any help is appreciated, thanks!

This is my third question about long distance relationships this week, so I’ll answer them all in one. My best advice is long distance is simply not worth it. I know couples that made it work, but I just don’t advise it. I was in a long distance relationship my freshman year of college and it was probably the worst semester of my college career (no offense if you’re reading this, Trav). The beginning of your freshman year is something very exciting and new. You’ll meet hundreds of people and you don’t want anyone holding you back from the drunken debauchery you’ll get yourself into. I really don’t recommend anyone being in any kind of relationship their first semester of college, that should be time to do you and not worry about anyone else.

10. Where does your opinion on gingers fall in terms of the strawberry blonde to full day-walker spectrum? I happen to lack the face freckles of even a semi day walker, but I still retain the hair follicles of a light red haired individual. Just curious as to your personal preference on the subject, and of course my fate with with the opposite sex. Your opinion will be appreciated.

The photo associated with this email account is a close up of Gumby, that creepy little green thing that was on TV or something. That leads me to believe any problems you’re having with girls is probably not due solely to your hair color (not that your hair color is helping your case either). Some girls are into it, maybe. I mean not any that I’ve met. But I’m sure some girls out there are into that kinda thing.

11. Who is the most famous person to slide in your dm’s/comment on your insta? (You don’t have to name names if you’d rather protect the guilty, just give me like level of celebrity, like NFL starting qb, or bassist of a band people have heard of, or appeared on a comedy central roast or something).

Von Miller commented on one of my TFM Girls Instagram photos, I’ll call him out since it was public. The next most famous plays in the NBA and was a first round pick. We talk back and forth occasionally, but I’m pretty sure he has a girlfriend (again, why I wouldn’t marry a professional athlete). I’ll also call out Riff Raff because I think he’s DMed every college aged girl, so that’s not special. The other DMs are athletes and random musicians I’ve noticed with verified checkmarks, but that didn’t make enough of an impression on me for me to remember their names.

12. I think you blocked me on snapchat haha why?

I probably have over 300 people blocked on snapchat for various reasons including but not limited to: dick pics/vids (most common reason), sending me multiple snapchats when I don’t know you (I don’t care about you enough for that), asking for nudes (because I’m totally going to send the 30 year old stranger living in his mom’s basement a nude), and rude/inappropriate comments (self explanatory).

13. What are some of the creepier comments/questions you’ve gotten through your social media accounts

I could honestly write an entire article about the comments I get, they’re pretty entertaining once you get past the creepiness. I think the greatest comments are when people tag their friends and comment something as if I can’t literally read it. My favorite most recent is “10/10 would sniff”. Like you people realize anyone can see the comments you leave on someone’s photo, right? Anyone, anywhere can click your profile and see who you are. Freaks.

14. Intern Sydney, can you tell us why Fail Friday has not been posted yet?

Just going to include this question in every article until you idiots stop asking me. I’m not in charge of Fail Friday.

Send me your own questions, or just let me roast you at Sydney@totalfratmove.com