Auburn Fans Petition Obama to Fire Gene Chizik…or Order a Military Drone Strike

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Nice Move

It’s a tough time to be an Auburn fan right now. No hope. Mass depression. Erratic, irrational behavior. Like many low-life societal leaches in our country, they are turning to the government for help. On the website, “We The People,” common folk can publish formal requests to the government. It’s just an online outlet for the people to be heard. Auburn fans that have the internet are officially petitioning President Obama to save their football program.

Auburn football is currently 2-8 and 0-7 in SEC play.

Here is the request:

“You probably remembered the Auburn University football team from their visit to your house in early 2011. You gave Trooper Taylor a chest bump. Since then the football team, like the Tea Party has fallen off of the map and would be forgotten by the nation were it not for our ineptitude. …
“Do the right thing.

Either sent military drones to the athletic department and blow the whole thing up or give our boosters a $10 million stimulus package to create new orange and blue jobs. Determine that Jacobs and Chizik are terrorists and get rid of them for Auburn. Go USA!”

Haha, “sent.”

Barry, the requests are simple. You can either (a.) write them a check for a cool 10 mill and ask Chiz to step down, or (b.) euthanize the athletic department by way of costly, genocidal drone strike. As much as so many people would love to see that university and/or athletic department put out of its dreadful misery, I’m thinking option A would prove to be a more efficient use of resources and better play for the long haul.

[Source]

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Roger_Dorn

Roger Dorn (@RogerJDorn) is the Vice President of Media for Grandex, Inc. He's a native Texan with a full head of hair and knows his way around a nice box of red wine. Dorn graduated (BBA) with a GPA sitting in the meaty part of the bell curve, not lagging behind, but not trying to show off, either. Golf is his game now. He's long off the tee but can't putt for shit. Email: dillon@grandex.co

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  1. 0
    Merica TFTC

    I will stoop so low as to petition Obama to get rid of this banner at the bottom of my screen, that or he will drone strike your offices.

    ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago
  2. 0
    The_South_Was_Right

    While we are very frustrated with out team, I find it very unlikely that an Auburn fan would really write this type of thing. Since there is no author, anyone could have written it. Regardless, ‘bama lost to a pledge school. War Damn.

    ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago
  3. 0
    KappaFraz

    I’m happy to see this happening to Chezik. He left Iowa state and took all the credit for Cam Newton and a program he didn’t even build. . . . Karma.

    ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago
    • 0
      Gene Chizik

      Fuck you, you stupid motherfucker, I recruited Cam Newton, I covered up paying Cam Newton, and I fooled the whole entire NCAA. Eat shit I deserved that Title

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago