Frigid temperatures have commandeered the lives of many Americans. To put this in perspective, I “keyed” my ex-girlfriend’s car last night with my nipples. So, maybe I actually “nippled” that dick into her door. Semantics are unimportant here. Try to do that shit when the temperature doesn’t resemble my attendance quiz scores.
The shrinkage-inducing weather turned Auburn Farmhouse’s formal into a nightmare as it shut down roads in north Alabama and left the brothers and their dates stranded on charter buses for 21 hours. Twenty-one hours on a frozen bus: that’s almost two seasons of The Walking Dead. That’s 20 hours, 59 minutes, and 56 seconds longer than my last sexual experience. It’s as if God was foreshadowing the impending hell that awaits them should they act like hormonal heathens at their formal in Nashville.
To their credit, the victims of Mother Nature’s frozen hell seem to have kept their spirits high, possibly with the knowledge of the copious amounts of alcohol that they shall consume upon their eventual arrival.
Thankfully, she said, those on the bus are “a big group of friends.” Stuck with them were several chaperons and the group’s risk manager.
The young students entertained themselves with games and lots of talking, said Parrish. The snacks they had packed also kept their spirits up.
“We’ve all been bonding,” she said.
The buses that became stranded on the highway were filled with freshmen and sophomores. Unsurprisingly, the juniors and seniors were already well on their way to Nashville when the roads became unsafe and made it without a hitch.
The fraternity’s formal was still scheduled to be held at 8 P.M. on Saturday. I hope the blackouts were plentiful. You all earned it..