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Aussie Rugby Player Drunkenly Tries To Make Out With Lesbian, Pisses On Her Couch, Dry Humps Dog

Aussie Rugby Player Drunkenly Pisses On Couch And Who Can Blame Him?

“Let he without drunken pissing escapades cast the first stone.”

Raise your hand if you’ve ever witnessed a drunken piss. Keep your hand raised if you were said pisser.

Keep your hand raised if it was somewhere besides a toilet. Keep your hand raised if it was somewhere besides a toilet that was really weird and required clean up after the fact.

I’m gonna bet that there’s a good number of you drunk fucks out there who still have their hands up. Fear not, as you are not alone. You might have heard the phrase “piss drunk” before, but I have taken it upon myself to define the term as so drunk, you are incapable of properly peeing into a toilet. I’m here today to officially welcome both you and Mitchell Pearce to the Piss Drunk, Drunk Pisser Club.

From Deadspin:

Mitchell Pearce, a 26-year-old halfback for the NRL’s Sydney Roosters, is in a bit of trouble this morning after the emergence of a video showing him intoxicated at a house party, attempting to kiss a woman, and once he’s rebuffed, simulating sex with her small dog as she repeatedly asks him if he pissed her couch.

And here is said video:

In my opinion, the most offensive thing here is the sexualizing of that poor dog. He didn’t dry hump Pearce’s leg. He didn’t ask to be dry humped in return. Poor little guy didn’t deserve to be degraded like some possession or animal. #YesAllDogs.

All in all, I’d say this is a fairly standard drunken pissing escapade. I’ve seen fully grown adults piss in fridges, car seats (think: children’s booster seat), and into the top of a toilet rather than the bowl. I, the brilliant drunk soul that I am, have popped a squat over a dude’s bag of hockey equipment while staying the night — poor soul didn’t even get laid that night.

Next time, though, Mitchell could be a little more creative. After all, he isn’t the first NRL player to be caught simulating sex with a dog. In 2010, Joel Monaghan of the Canberra Raiders was pictured on Twitter doing exactly that. He also isn’t the first NRL player to make news with his drunken pissing. Cronulla-Sutherland Sharks player, Todd Carney, was cut from his team in 2014 after a picture was posted of Carney pissing into his own mouth.

Based on the history of events for incidents like this and Pearce’s history of fines and suspension for being arrested at a nightclub, I’d wager that he’s gonna get the boot any day now. Mitchell, Joel, and Todd, I’d like to invite you to bring yourselves over to America. We could use more athletes like you in the news.

[via Deadspin]

Image via YouTube

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Not So Sweetheart

The most rational, reasonable, and riotous girl you'll ever meet.

NotSoSweetheartTFM@gmail.com

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