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Boston Sports Fans Are The Worst

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As if Boston sports fans needed another thing to celebrate, the Celtics won the NBA lottery Tuesday night and will have the No. 1 pick in the upcoming NBA Draft. And they still have Brooklyn’s 2018 first-round pick.

A night earlier the Celtics defeated the Washington Wizards in Game 7 to advance to the Eastern Conference Finals. Three months earlier the New England Patriots pulled off the biggest comeback in Super Bowl history to win their fifth title since 2000. Four years ago the Red Sox won their third World Series in 13 years. Six years earlier the Bruins won the Stanley Cup. Oh, and the Celtics won the NBA title back in 2008.

Ten freaking titles combined in the four major sports in the 21st century. Seriously, I’m jealous of Boston sports fans. But mostly, I can’t stand them.

They’ve reached such an incomprehensible level of success, yet they still find things to bitch about. They’re under this insane notion that everyone is out to screw them, as evidenced by their endless butt-hurt over Roger Goodell suspending the golden boy Tom Brady for the first four games of 2016-17 regular season for DeflateGate.

They won the Super Bowl, yet they’re still inconsolable over the ordeal. Never mind the fact Goodell actually did them a favor.

Brady is old, so missing four games to start the season wasn’t the worst thing in the world. And, as everyone predicted, the Pats did just fine without him, going 3-1. With him out, Brady’s backup Jimmy Garoppolo shined in two games before getting injured. He showed just enough for quarterback-starved teams like the Browns and Bears to salivate over his potential. The Pats won the Super Bowl and their biggest question mark heading into the offseason was whether they should fleece some dipshit franchise like the Browns in a Garoppolo trade, knowing Brady is still one of the best five quarterbacks in football, or hold onto him and continue to groom him to replace Brady.

There could not be any more ideal of a scenario, but fuck Goodell, right?

Even when the Celtics won the lottery Tuesday night, there was palpable bitterness from the fan base over the fact the rival Lakers somewhat improbably got the No. 2 pick. The Lakers remain terrible and the Celtics are hosting the Cleveland Cavaliers in Game One of the Eastern Conference Finals tonight.

This would be like Ben Affleck winning an Oscar for “Best Actor” in “Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice” and then complaining that Denzel Washington finished second.

Maybe it’s an East Coast thing to have a constant chip on your shoulder, even when your sports fandom is the equivalent of Leonardo DiCaprio’s sex life.

I know most of its born from desolate times in the 80’s and 90’s with the Sox, Bruins and Patriots, but even then the city had Larry Bird and the Celtics fresh off the dominant run in the 60s and 70s with Bill Russell. But ultimately, if you’re a Boston sports fan under the age of 30, you’ve experienced more success than 99 percent of sports fans, including me, will enjoy in their entire lifetime. And I hate you for that.

Damn you, Boston sports fans, you’re the worst. And the best.

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