News

Boulder Police Return The Cute-Ass Ducklings They Ducknapped From A Colorado Fraternity

cu-boulder colorado fraternity ducklings

What if I told you a fraternity recently held an event to raise money to care for abandoned pets that they stumbled upon while hiking, and that the police shut down said event and confiscated the pets because they assumed that the fraternity members were incompetent pieces of shit incapable of providing proper care to the animals whose lives they saved? Because that’s not the lead-in for an edition our new 30 for 30 parody 30 Rack for 30 Rack; it’s literally what just happened at CU Boulder.

From Daily Camera:

A University of Colorado fraternity is getting its newest pledges back.

Three ducklings rescued by CU fraternity members who were hiking up at Chautauqua will likely go back to the students after police determined the ducks were actually abandoned pets.

University of Colorado police originally confiscated the three ducklings Tuesday after three of the students held a pie-throwing fundraiser on campus to try and raise money for the baby birds.

CU police spokesman Scott Pribble said an officer found three students trying to raise money by allowing people to throw pies at their faces in exchange for cash.

March 14 is observed by some as National Pi Day.

If you replace the ducklings with an injured dolphin and the pie-throwing contest (great incorporation of Pi Day, by the way) with a carnival, this is literally the plot of Dolphin Tale, a movie I’m definitely not only referencing because I appear as an extra in it.

jared dolphin tale

Fuck yeah, baby.

You’d expect these good Samaritans to be receiving medals of commendation and maybe an article in the local paper with a cheesy headline like “Frat Bros Hold Event To Foot “Bill” For Rescued Ducklings,” or “Quack To School: Local Ducks Join Caring Frat.”

But nope. They got the honor of having their precious duckling babies taken away. Let’s read on.

Police, thinking the ducklings were wild, decided that they were better off in a wildlife center than with college students and confiscated the animals, though the students were not issued any tickets.

But when Boulder police animal control Officer Taylor Barnes came to pick up the ducklings, he realized that they were not wild and were likely abandoned pets. The ducklings’ former owners have a week to claim them, but Barnes said he doubts that will happen.

I guess I can understand why Boulder police decided to investigate the matter, as I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t heard of some fraternity members doing some pretty bizarre shit with animals.

—-> Yikes…

Dear God… <----

But these dudes were clearly caring for the duckies, not trying to destroy or potentially fornicate with them. Why confiscate them right off the bat? Why not leave them with the fraternity and let Officer Barnes do a home visit first to decide whether or not they deserve to be taken away so as not to cause the ducklings any more emotional distress?

Speaking of Barnes, he’s the unsung hero of this story.

… Barnes said that he went over to the fraternity to inspect the ducklings’ living situation and said if they aren’t claimed in a week, he was comfortable giving leaving them with the fraternity.

“I’m actually pretty happy with what they’re trying to do,” Barnes said. “They’re all pretty bonded. In fact, when one of the guys took one out of the box, he said, ‘Come to momma.'”

Barnes said the ducklings are only about three to four weeks old, and said he told the fraternity they will likely have to give them up when they get bigger. Barnes said he gave them a few recommendations.

“We’ll keep our tabs on them and see what they need and help out where we can,” Barnes said. “But at least for now, I think they’re doing a pretty stellar job.”

Officer Taylor Barnes of Boulder police animal control. TFM.

“Come to momma.” RFM.

Frat ducks. TFTC.

[via Daily Camera]

Image via Boulder Police Department

Email this to a friend

Jared Borislow

Jared Borislow (né The DeVry Guy) is a writer and content manager for Grandex Inc and a 2015 graduate of the University of Wisconsin. He has been called the "Patron Saint of Butt Stuff" despite never having engaged in sexual activity of any nature until he turned 21, which he is still convinced is the minimum age at which you can legally have sex.

25 Comments You must log in to comment, or create an account
Show Comments

For More Photos and Videos

Latest podcasts

Download Our App

Take TFM with you. Get

New Stories

Load More