Ah, the life of a bouncer. On any given Thursday through Saturday night, you’re the bad guy for dozens of underage drinkers with less-than-stellar fake IDs, the peacekeeper for assholes with short tempers, and the caretaker for drunkards with weak tolerances. When you refuse to take them in or turn them loose into the cold night air, shit can get ugly. Make it a ticket-only New Year’s Eve event at a packed bar, and multiply the usual insanity by ten.
A bouncer at The Gatsby in Ontario, Canada, filmed his tour of duty during the bar’s hellish New Years 2014 on hidden camera. He uploaded the footage for our viewing pleasure earlier this week. It’s a hilarious look at alcohol’s ability to turn all of us into petulant children.
0:10 — Chick in white whines, “I was sooo close!” after being told to turn around.
She complains to outside bouncer. Outside bouncer tells her to leave. She stamps her foot, “No!” He tells her to leave again. “But my coat’s in therrrre.” Nice try, but he just saw you walk in without it.
0:30 — Bouncer doesn’t believe him, but it’s his BROTHER’S. BIRTHDAY.
1:00 — “Hit me, buddy!”
2:55 — Cute girl without a ticket hits him with a sob story to try and snake in. “I’ve never felt… SO cold.” He tells her it would help if she put her shoes on. “I can’t.”
3:37 — Bouncer: “I can’t let you in, man.” Dude: “At ALL!?”
3:40 — Insane dude stands there and stares at them when bouncers tell him to leave. Bouncers seem friendlier in Canada. Every bouncer of the bars I’ve been to would’ve chucked him in the street after five seconds.
5:18 — It’s still his “brother’s birthday,” and he’s still not getting in.
6:00 — Best part of the video. Bouncer doesn’t let him in because he got kicked out, but backwards hat is the fucking man.
Backwards hat: *spreads his legs* “You might as well just kick me in the nuts.”
Bouncer: “I’m busting your balls that hard?”
Backwards hat: “Yeah. I might as well get boot-stomped in the nards.”
Hope he got his coat back and that “cocksucker who made out with his cousin” treated her right.
7:47 — Creepy guy asks the bouncer’s name after getting rejected. “Pete. What’s your last name?” Jesus man, what kind of question is that? What are you gonna do, track him down and stake out his place?
7:50 — Love the rapid succession of people bitching at him. Goes straight from creepy guy to (another) cold girl to hoodie asking for Derek David. DAY-VID.
What a night..