On Christmas morning, a 9-year-old Massachusetts kid tore open the PlayStation 4 box sitting under the tree to find nothing but a block of wood with a dick drawn on it. The message, “From cock and balls with love” was also scrawled on the wood. To clarify, the parents did not swap out the console. The deed was likely done by a disgruntled factory worker who saw the opportunity to nab a PS4 before high-tailing it out of there.
It’s bad enough that a Massachusetts family’s Target-purchased Christmas console wound up being a piece of wood in a PlayStation 4 box, but did whoever swapped it out have to draw a dick and balls on it?
According to a report by Boston’s Fox 25 and the step-mother’s Facebook post, nine-year-old Scott Lundy was over-the-moon when he unwrapped a PlayStation 4 box on Christmas morning, shouting, “YES THIS IS THE BEST CHRISTMAS EVER DAD CAN WE SET THIS UP NOW?”
So imagined how crushed he was when they opened the box and discovered a block of wood vaguely shaped like a PlayStation 4. And imagine how shocked parents Kristin and Brian were when the saw what was scrawled on the wood—”From cock and balls with love”, along with a picture of those two things.
Being a father myself, I can’t even.
The Kotaku writer goes on about how sorry he is for the poor kid, and how he, as a father of his own, can only imagine the heartbreak the family must be feeling, especially since the incident caused the youngster to lose all faith in the existence of Santa Claus.
But little Scotty received something far better than any piece of pricey technology: a valuable life lesson.
What did he learn that morning? That no matter how high his expectations may be, he must always be prepared for the universe to give him the shaft.
Life is an endless barrage of wooden dicks smacking you in the face. It’s best he learns this as soon as possible.
A decade from now, Scott, who studied his ass off throughout high school, performed phenomenally on all his exams, and loaded up on extracurriculars, will eagerly tear open a letter from his favorite college only to find a big, fat “NO.” That’s a wooden dick.
20 years from now, Scott will walk in on his beloved wife getting railed out by his best friend and neighbor, Charlie Wood. That’s a Wood dick.
And 20 years and two months from now, Scott, permanently damaged from the emotional abuse of his former wife, will journey to the back alleys of Shanghai to satiate his newfound desire to be totally and utterly dominated by the opposite gender. Su-Minh-Lee will tell him to flip over. He’ll feel a sharp, splitting pain. That’s a wooden dick.
Merry Christmas, Scotty. Life is pain..
Image via YouTube