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Breaking Amish is Even Faker Than We Suspected

So, if you have some kind of busy, productive life, or you don’t procrastinate studying for midterms and actually study, you might not know that there is a really successful new show on TLC called “Breaking Amish.” The audience follows a group of Amish and Mennonite young people who leave their lifestyles and move to New York City to experience life outside of whatever farming community they previously lived in.

Last week’s show featured the romance of the shy, awkward Abe and the toothless, innocent Rebecca coming to a culmination when they go to Coney Island and he proposes. The whole thing with someone being able to see the ocean for the first time and then seeing a proposal that reminded me of the pure, godly romance stories my minister promised would come to me if I prayed hard enough. This jaded bitch started to full on CRYING. I’m not sure what is wrong with me.

At the end, I looked up the twitter hashtag to see what other people were saying about how precious it was and found a link to a website that has information on the characters. The “innocent pure youth entering the wild world” premise of the show was shattered. The pretty one, Kate, has since gotten a DUI. Abe was previously married, with three children, and has so many assault charges on his record that I don’t think they would have even let him on The Real World.

What really bugged me, though, was not the revelation that Rebecca had been married before, but the documents here that indicate she left that husband FOR ABE. Who she supposedly met on the show. They lived together, dressed in normal clothes and wore bathing suits, and it appears that they have a child. TLC, I am really disappointed in you. Next time I want to cry and watch TLC, I’ll go back to my standard the scenario that got me once in the past, and drink some wine while watching Say Yes to the Dress.

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