I’ve had a pretty rough day so far. While I was taking my morning shit, the automatic lights went out in the bathroom. Not ideal. I had to wipe by iPhone light until another man walked in, causing the light to come back on. This would be all well and good, except he made a beeline for my stall, which was locked. He was so disgusted that someone would take a dump in the dark that he just straight up left the bathroom. Didn’t even try the other stall. This guy now thinks there’s some weirdo going around the office park taking shits in the dark. I’m a fucking night shitter now, which I swore to my grandpa on his deathbed that I’d never be. It’s been eating at me all day. And then, just when I thought my day couldn’t get any worse, I heard about the newest internet fad: bubbling. Dear God.
I don’t even see how bubbling got its name. There are no bubbles involved. In order to bubble, you literally just pee into your own mouth, like that monkey lying on its back, peeing into his mouth, that we all got our first boners to sophomore year of high school. A lot of you are probably thinking, “but you’re the DeVry Guy–you’re into some weird shit! How can you not think this fad is way frat?” Well, let me tell you. There are only a select few frat places that urine can go after it leaves the body: a toilet, a bush, the side of your rival fraternity’s house (or in my case, into the vent of my rival fraternity president’s computer), and, of course, a butt. Do you see your own fucking mouth anywhere on this list? No. Because tasting your own lemonade is disgusting.
What’s the appeal here? Is it for shock value? Taste? I literally have no idea. If you want to see some (censored) pictures of dudes bubbling, which, let’s face it, you do, check them out here.
The only person who is allowed to drink his own piss is my boy Patches O’Houlihan, and that’s only because he’s a damn good coach, it’s sterile, and he likes the taste.
Image via Wikimedia Commons