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Butts > Boobs

This is America. Leave that “Can’t we all get along?” crap to Chris Brown’s therapist. If spending hours watching Pardon The Interruption has taught me anything (it hasn’t), it’s that there’s ONE correct answer to every single question in life, and anyone who disagrees with you is an antipatriotic weasel.

With all due respect to my guy StuffFratPeopleLike, he couldn’t pick out a quality butt from an ashtray. What kind of monster hates high-waisted mom shorts? People with a serious Oedipus Complex, that’s who. You really gonna talk about my granny’s badunkadunk, SFPL? You’re a monster.

Not much to discuss here, people.

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J Parks Caldwell

J. Parks Caldwell is a senior contributing writer for Total Frat Move, Rowdy Gentleman, and Post Grad Problems. He frequently blesses the rains down in Africa.

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