Everybody knows that pictures are the most compelling form of media, right? That is why, in an attempt to increase TFM’s traffic, I proposed “Dick Pic Fail Friday.” It is essentially just a bunch of pictures of dicks that people get sent that didn’t seem quite right. Maybe they were small, maybe they were awkwardly tilted, maybe they were from their own dad on accident because their first name starts with the same letter their dad’s secretary’s name starts with. I don’t know. Of course, it’d probably take a few weeks before people would start feeling comfortable sending dick pics in to us, so there’s a good chance that I’d have to pad the first few posts with some pictures of my own dick at different angles, and in different lights and filters, and also maybe painted so that all the pictures look different. Wait, is it racist to blackface your dick? Aw hell, no one would believe my penis was black anyway. Regardless, it’d be a small price to pay.
Anyway, BuzzFeed is a media outlet that has capitalized on this idea. No, not on Dick Pic Fail Friday (though there is money to be made there, I swear), but rather on the idea that people love pictures. Their “columns” are almost always just a bunch of photos or gifs with small captions above them. I’m fairly certain they just Google whatever the title of their column is and then copy and paste the top photos. At least that’s what I thought, until I saw this jab at the University of Florida’s Sigma Alpha Epsilon chapter in their column “25 Ways You Know You’re A Florida Gator.”
Comin’ in hot, BuzzFeed.
This isn’t your standard or generic anti-fraternity quip from your typical feminist. There’s actually some (dumb) reasoning behind this. I guess we should just be grateful there’s reasoning at all? BuzzFeed Staff member Sami Main wants you to tell every girl you know, even girls who do not go to UF, it seems, to avoid SAE. That seems a little drastic.
The picture in question is of SAE members painting the lion statue outside of their fraternity house. Rumor (rumor) has it that if one of the members deflowers a virgin, they paint the lion the color of her underwear. I assume this legend is what Sami is referring to when she chose that particular picture. The author is trying to tell people to warn their friends that if they go to a party at SAE, they will somehow magically, and through no fault or choice of their own, lose their virginity. Last time I checked, it’s neither SAE’s fault nor your business if somebody who reads your column’s friend has consensual sex with a guy in SAE.
After further research (I clicked a button), I discovered that Ms. Main actually attended the University of Florida. I don’t go to the University of Florida, but I can only assume she is the type of person that went to Gator Nights all four of her undergraduate years (and her column actually suggests that she did).
Furthermore, there is another message of abstinence in this column. A popular legend at UF is that every time a student graduates a virgin, a brick falls off of the iconic Century Tower.
The Century Tower legend, it’s a TFM.
I mean, this legend is basically telling students that they need to give/take the D or they’re not only a loser, but an enemy of the University of Florida. I respect that. Now here’s the author’s take on the legend.
Cheering for virgins? I thought this was America.
Anti-fraternity and anti-sex. Sami Main. NS.