Campus Thief Dressed As Teletubby Has Thankfully Been Brought To Justice

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I’ve never trusted the Teletubbies. That’s just a fact. They’re a bunch of weirdos dressed up in creepy half-alien, half-toddler costumes, and they dance to music that sounds like propaganda tunes created by a hypothetical dystopian government run by a dictator on LSD. This distrust extends to anyone brazen enough to don a costume of one of them. As it turns out, my leery view of their ilk has been proven right, given the events that occurred at an apartment near Lehigh University this week.

A dude dressed in a yellow Teletubby costume (apparently that makes him Laa-Laa, but I don’t give a shit) broke into a student’s apartment and proceeded to go to the fridge, pull out a leftover Chinese food carton, dump its contents into a “man purse,” and then escape into the darkness. So, there’s that.

The cops tracked down the dude, using drones equipped with specialized Teletubby identifying technology, I assume. The resident of the apartment decided not to press charges, because the menace turned out to be a friend of his, Terez Owens.

Sadly for Owens, he broke a door, which got the landlord involved, and if I know landlords, they hate everything and everyone, so he’s fucked. Owens was arrested by the police later, and the landlord is most certainly pressing charges. After a nominal amount of research, it turns out that Terez Owens might be a member of the Lehigh football team, and he apparently picked the school “to receive a good education and to play great football” according to his athletic profile. Granted, there could be dozens of Terez Owenses among the 7,000 enrolled students at Lehigh, so let’s not go on a witch hunt just yet.

More details to follow.

Not really. This is all we’re covering.

[via Lehigh Valley Live]

Image via YouTube

Sterling Cooper is a contributing writer for Total Frat Move and Post Grad Problems. He has never understood why people like sand, and has been in a bitter ten year rivalry with Muggsy Bogues, for reasons neither of them choose to reveal.

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