Canadian Man Disappointed When He Realizes Looking Like Dan Bilzerian Just Isn’t Enough

Email this to a friend

Nice Move

Screen Shot 2015-06-22 at 10.52.58 AM

Okay, yeah, we as a site tend to publish a lot of content that has to do with Dan Bilzerian. The dude just does badass stuff though, so it’s hard not to. But there is a way to take things too far, and that was done by some dude at a beach club in Toronto.

Bilzerian trekked north of the border to engage in his normal antics: alcohol ans girls with fake tits in bikinis or less. The usual. But check out the pic he posted a few hours ago.

A photo posted by Dan Bilzerian (@danbilzerian) on


Screen Shot 2015-06-22 at 10.52.18 AM

Who the fuck does this guy think he is? I’m pretty sure that if Bilzerian went through the trouble of trademarking his looks (probably not out of the question), this dude would be found within blatant trademark infringement. He’s even wearing the same color watch, which I’m assuming is probably at least half a G less expensive than Bilzerian’s.

There are two scenarios that I’m imagining played out here.

Scenario 1) Blitz 2.0 and his friends (clearly the dudes to his right and behind him based on the fact he’s butt-to-nut with one of them and not the girl to his left) found out that Bilzerian was going to be at this beach club in Toronto and thought, “Oh, bud, wouldn’t you know it, you look just like that fella Dan Bilzerian. We should go to this party and show him how much you look like him and maybe he’ll let us party with him and all the girls he hangs out with! That’d just make me happier than a beaver under the bridge, eh.”

You’ll notice the friend behind him is pointing at Blitz 2.0, trying to draw attention to the doppelgänger. But alas, you can see obvious sadness and disappointment on his face when he realizes that dressing and looking just like another person is not cool and won’t make them want to invite you to party with them. In fact, probably the opposite.

Scenario 2) These three dudes had the bright idea, “Hey, bud, since you look so much like Dan Bilzerian and all, why don’t we go to this club, you pretend you’re him and then all those shallow girls at the club will want to hang out with and have sex with us!” “Fuckin’ right!”

Much to his dismay, the real one was there. Well, shit, now you look ten times creepier dressed as someone who is probably 20 feet from you. Instead of being “Dan Bilzerian” all day, you have been relegated to “that weird guy who is pretending to be Dan Bilzerian.” This dude is about as try-hard as it gets. You and your two gooby friends aren’t going to get laid because you kind of look like a celebrity.

Get it together, man. Sure, we’ve all made up stories about who we are and what we do to make us seem more interesting to girls than we actually are with the hopes of getting laid. In fact, I told someone I played major-junior hockey up in Canada less than a week ago. But this dude took things too far. Get a life, homie, preferably your own. This is almost as stupid as dressing up like people from TFM on spring break.

Image via Instagram


You must be logged in to comment. Log in or create an account.

Click to Read Comments (25)