Doing all the work and getting none of the credit. TPM. Doing none of the work, but accepting all the credit. TFM.
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Having a pledge wear a makeshift ashtray hat for your convenience. TFM.
“That’s what I love about these freshmen girls, man. I get older, they stay the same age.” TFM.
The awkward moment between never wanting to drink again and noon. TFM.
Asking your arresting officer what time she gets off work. TFM.
The sarcastic “What’s love like?” comment on social media when a brother goes exclusive. TFM.
“Officer, I thought you said you didn’t want to come back here again tonight.” TFM.
Drinking light beer, heavily. TFM.
The unbuttoned Hawaiian shirt tan line. TFM.
Not having student loans. TFM.
People chanting your name being your vice. TFM.
A good story being more important than your well-being. TFM.
UPS making their drivers wear collared shirts and 5-inch inseams. TFM.
Having a lighter class load than Marcus Mariota. TFM.
Framing your terrible fake ID that impossibly worked for an entire semester. TFM.
Every party you attend this summer being Hawaiian themed, whether everyone else knows it or not. TFM.
Describing every competition you don’t win as “horse shit,” “rigged,” or “un-American.” TFM.
Telling the officer you will “never retreat, and never surrender” when he simply asks you to throw away the beer you’re illegally carrying on the street. TFM.
Colts owner Jim Irsay passing out hundred dollar bills at preseason camp. TFM.
Pulling the Billy Madison “I am the smartest man alive!” after squeaking out a 70 on your final. TFM.