Inviting your professor to grab a beer after turning in your 8 a.m. final. TFM.
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Family gatherings turning into unspoken, passive-aggressive drinking competitions. TFM.
Having a GPA sitting in the meaty part of the bell curve. TFM.
Having a time-honored tradition that you just made up. TFM.
Proclaiming you’re “coming out of retirement” following your term on exec. TFM.
Only negotiating with the communists with good tobacco. TFM.
Putin naming himself “Man of the Year” 15 years in a row. TFM.
Rushing the guy sitting next to you in court. TFM.
Wondering how the new developments with Cuba impacts Cuban cigars. TFM.
Jordan Belfort asking her if she came in eleven seconds, too. TFM.
Tipping generously on a pledge’s bar tab. TFM.
Pounding your chest and humming in rhythm while walking out of a final that you totally bombed. TFM.
Making the pledge in your class intentionally bomb his final in hopes it’ll help convince the professor to set a curve. TFM.
Heftily rewarding yourself for minimal work and effort during finals week. TFM.
Following up your horrendous legal advice with “but I’m not a lawyer.” TFM.
Assuming she’s hitting on you. TFM.
Bill Murray playing nine holes on the Riviera during a zombie apocalypse. Just walked on. Nobody there. TFM.
Not knowing how layaway works. TFM.
Requesting free drinks at the bar after being featured in the local newspaper for all the wrong reasons. TFM.
Saying, “Just what the doctor ordered,” before consuming a substance that your doctor explicitly warned you about. TFM.