It being the pledges’ fault since 1890. TFM.
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Having a Josh Hamilton-esque relapse one week into Lent. TFM.
Trying to explain to the ref that your opponent fell on his own. TFM.
Having a pledge for that. TFM.
Wearing the same blazer to court that you were arrested in. TFM.
Saying, “And there’s nothing wrong with that,” to an action that clearly violates university regulations. TFM.
Trying to explain the concept of a dad body to your mom at 19 years old. TFM.
Giving back to the community by day, taking from it by night. TFM.
When the name and number penned on your hand doesn’t belong to the girl in your bed. TFM.
Being staunchly Republican while never having worked and living off your parents for the first 21 years of your life. TFM.
Asking your boss if there would be a curve on the upcoming drug test. TFM.
Appearing before your dad in court. TFM.
Assuring the pledge that he’ll learn to love the demeaning nickname you’ve given him. TFM.
Describing your chapter’s hazing techniques as “a little unconventional.” TFM.
“I’m not even going to dignify that with a response,” when asked about transgressions that definitely occurred. TFM.
Having “a few things lined up” in response to inquiries regarding your postgrad plans. TFM.
Getting into spring break shape by switching from Bud Heavy to Bud Light. TFM.
Needing a designated driver on and off the golf course. TFM.
Having a pledge give up your favorite thing for Lent, in your name. TFM.
Ron Swanson bonding with his barber over their mutual hatred of Europe and bicycles. TFM.