Telling the pledges you’re giving up hazing for Lent, then reminding them you’re in a Jewish fraternity. TFM.
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Taking party themes too far. TFM.
Immediately calling a tornado party as soon as a tornado watch is issued for an adjacent county. TFM.
Using class getting canceled as an excuse to day drink, even though you were planning on blowing off class to day drink anyway. TFM.
Dad visiting during Moms weekend. TFM.
Breathalyzing guests at the front door and only letting the intoxicated ones in. TFM.
Getting her to do bad things on Good Friday. TFM.
Bill Laimbeer inspired fouls in intramural basketball. TFM.
Asking if her G-spot got its inspiration from a Malaysian aircraft. TFM.
Taking a swig of your drink when you can’t remember the lyrics to a song. TFM.
Spending all night convincing her you’re not trying to get in her pants just to get in her pants. TFM.
Winning the game, but drinking like you lost. TFM.
The seamless transition from empty beer bottle to microphone when an ’80s power ballad comes on. TFM.
Using your study hours to think of new ways to haze the pledges, and forcing them to do the same. TFM.
Hospital gown and boat shoes. TFM.
Comparing fifths of whiskey disappearing at house parties to Malaysian airplanes. TFM.
Loudly announcing, “He was masturbating,” any time EMS has to come to the house to treat an injured brother. TFM.
Having a different Lou Piniella routine for every IM softball ejection you get. TFM.
Forrest Gump getting in early on some Apple stock. TFM.
Responding with, “I like to shoot from the hip,” after your professor asks where your PowerPoint is for your speech. TFM.