Colonel Sanders taking time out of his new commercial to condemn cargos. TFM.
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Telling her she has to be on top due to a serious intramural injury. TFM.
Writing a negative Yelp review for the place that confiscated your fake. TFM.
Making the pledges go on beer runs despite none of them being 21. TFM.
Screenshotting her snap but not responding. TFM.
Learning that some aggressive chin music is frowned upon in intramural softball. TFM.
Having actual children being the only fatherly attribute you don’t want. TFM.
Cliff Paul. TFM.
Owning a pair of “bar loafers.” TFM.
Having an understood “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy about your grades with Dad. TFM.
The brotherly “would” of approval when your boy shows you pics of his new slam. TFM.
Playing off a catastrophic series of events as a “minor bump in the road.” TFM.
Claiming you can achieve an obviously unattainable goal by backing yourself up with unimpressive past achievements. TFM.
Mom asking, “Don’t you have the tests for that class?” upon seeing your grades. TFM.
Calling each batter from your rival fraternity “slugger” as he steps up to the plate. TFM.
Owning custom orthopedic New Balances at the age of 20. TFM.
Taking the walk of shame without shame. TFM.
Assuming the role of coach after fouling out of the game. TFM.
Your dad asking about your golf game before inquiring about grades upon your return home from school. TFM.
Pushing the limits of casual Friday at your internship. TFM.