There being two sides to every story: your side and the police report. TFM.
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The natural “save your drink at all costs” instinct when falling down. TFM.
Shouting, “I’m a grown ass man!” while being forcefully removed from a bar for behaving like a child. TFM.
A 42 on the front nine and a .17 on the back. TFM.
“Check the hole,” when you know you hit your ball in the woods. TFM.
Rory McIlroy playing the best golf of his career after breaking up with his fiancée. TFM.
Flagging emails from your risk manager as spam. TFM.
Having zero medical knowledge, but performing minor operations on yourself with the confidence of a seasoned surgeon. TFM.
Smart enough to know it’s a bad idea, but drunk enough to know it’s a brilliant idea. TFM.
“He’ll get up.” TFM.
Setting up a microphone to prepare for impromptu drunken speeches. TFM.
Celebrating 45 years of being the first fraternity to set foot on the moon. TFM.
Telling rushees that plenty of your brothers don’t drink, then passing them off to the biggest alcoholic in the chapter. TFM.
When the rushee wearing cargo shorts asks for a tour of the house and you show him the back door. TFM.
The pledges not seeing the light at the of the tunnel. TFM.
Being proud of yourself when no one else is. TFM.
The ultimate person responsible for your actions being your lawyer. TFM.
“I don’t get drunk. I get awesome.” TFM.
Casually dismissing something as “clean, wholesome, family fun” when it’s anything but. TFM.
Glenmorangie acknowledging that their scotch is “unnecessarily well made,” but continuing to make it the same way. TFM.