Neil Armstrong telling unfunny jokes about the Moon, then following them up with “Ah, I guess you had to be there.” TFM.
Making a pledge wear an American flag shirt everyday. We call him the “pledge of allegiance.” TFM.
Relentlessly belittling a pledge for questioning a tradition that “every brother has always participated in,” but you actually made up on the spot. TFM.
Always choosing red solo cups because the blue ones remind me of liberals. TFM.
If you like Southern girls: raise your glasses. If you don’t: raise your standards. TFM.
Some GDI walked up to me at the bar and asked why I had my sunglasses around my neck at one in the morning. I told him because I drink til the fucking sun comes up. TFM.
Goths call us conformists. Hipsters call us mainstream. PETA calls us cruel. Environmentalists call us close-minded. Feminists call us womanizers. Socialists call us greedy. Liberals call us ignorant. But despite all this, society calls us successful. TFM.
Yes, there are guys in my chapter I don’t like. And yes, I will knock your ass out if you talk shit about them. TFM.
Trading in my paddle that hazes pledges for my M16 that will be hazing in the middle east for the next 6 months. TFM.
Mom getting a call home because my little brother told a kid in his first grade class that cargo shorts were for GDIs. TFM.
German guy at the bar challenged me, asking how many World Cups we’ve won. I responded, “How many World Wars have you won?” TFM.
I like my women like I like my milk: rich, white, and 2% fat. TFM.
This year I am making pledges purchase a pair of cargo shorts. I will put bricks in the pockets. They will run in the cargo shorts, until they puke, every day for a month. Eventually they will be conditioned to feel nauseated every time they see a pair of cargo shorts. I call it Pavlov’s Pledges. TFM.
I do not have a trust fund, I am not related to W, and I currently drive a Camry as punishment for wrecking the Frathoe. Despite this, I still frat really, really hard. TFM.
Wasn’t born into old money and I’m the first fratter in the family. But my 4.0 and acceptance to med school tells me the old money starts here. TFM.
Motion to add slampiece as a relationship status on Facebook. TFM.
My pledge brother is heart broken because his slut girlfriend of 3 years cheated on him. When I got home he was eating raw cookie dough and watching Glee. You could tell he’d been crying. So I iced his gay ass. TFM.
Having sex with a sorostitute in the attic of our fratcastle while pledges distract her friends from finding her then naming the maneuver the “Anne Frank”. TFM.
“Shaggy, Scooby, Velma, go down and check the basement. Daphne and I’ll go upstairs to check the bedrooms.” Freddy, you magnificent bastard. TFM.
A CNN reporter, while interviewing a Marine Sniper, asked. “What do you feel when you shoot a terrorist?” The marine shrugged and replied, “Recoil.” TFM.