Chapel Hill Is A Shantytown Of Surfing Bums Before The National Championship Game

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Nice Move

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Chapel Hill city officials are taking extra precautions ahead of tonight’s NCAA Men’s National Championship game, and have removed all street signs that could potentially be used as crowd surf boards by University of North Carolina students during a celebratory riot.


Love the confidence, but you just gave Jay Wright and his Villanova Wildcats — who literally just drowned Oklahoma and the tournament’s best player, Buddy Hield, in a pool of his own tears — grade A bulletin board material. They already have the small school “nobody believes in us” card at their disposal, despite getting top 20 talent year in and year out. Now you’re going to willingly just hand them the “disrespect” card to double down on, too? If Carolina loses tonight, you can put the blame solely on city officials.

Maybe, I don’t know, take care of the homeless shantytown that seemingly popped up overnight and is currently overtaking Chapel Hill before worrying whether or not Chad from Oak Ridge will try to turtle roll and hang ten while shredding the gnar on thousands of his fellow classmates. I mean just look at these peasants sleeping outside the bars like it’s a Best Buy on Black Friday.


Jesus, guys. You’re Carolina. Act like you’ve been here before and less like the poors who spend Thanksgiving sleeping on the sidewalk to snag a Canon Powershot and sweet new 42″ Toshiba to bring the living room together. It’s 2016. Get an iPhone, a bigger and better TV, and some self awareness so you’re not camping out just to be sardine packed into a hole-in-the-wall like a Beijing subway car during Monday morning rush hour. Those street signs may have been more of a necessity to fucking move amongst a sea of shoulder to shoulder Tar Heel blue than anything else.

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