CIA Once Considered Convincing the Soviets That All Americans Had Huge Dongs

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This revelation comes from an excellent mental floss post discussing random facts about American spy history.

Following World War II, Frank Wisner helped found the Office of Policy Coordination. Officially, its mission was refugee assistance and working with the International Red Cross. Its actual mission involved covert actions against the Soviet Union. Wisner was a wily, charming, Southern aristocrat who was forever changed when he witnessed the brutal Soviet occupation of Romania. His office invested heavily in psychological warfare, which was still a relatively new concept. Ideas that came from the office included delivering American toiletries across the Iron Curtain (to demonstrate superior Western standards of comfort) and airdropping enormous condoms labeled “Medium” onto the Soviets, to demoralize them against an anatomically superior American army. (Sadly, this plan was never carried out.)

They put a southern guy in charge of psychological warfare? Looks like whoever made that decision spent more than a few college nights in the hazement. But really, how did that plan not get the green light!?! I mean the Cold War was as much a cultural war as anything else, and nothing says dominance quite like convincing your enemies that all of your soldiers have cartoonishly huge penises.

That’d be better than spending a decade trying to make the Soviets jealous of disco and John Travolta. Imagine if this idea had taken off and spread to other aspects of American culture. Movie actors would have been forced to wear cucumbers in their pants. Actresses instructed to walk bow legged immediately following a love scene. They probably would have even made a movie called something like “Shaft.” Oh, wait… There would have probably even been rumors floating around Moscow that the 1980 “Miracle on Ice” team had to duct tape their junk up for fear of having their dinosauric manhood severed by an ice skate as it dragged behind them on the rink.

But I guess the reason I really like this plan is because it’s the same way that Frank Reynolds picks up women.

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Bacon

Bacon is Director of Video Content and a Senior Writer for Total Frat Move, Rowdy Gentleman, and Post Grad Problems. He is a graduate, without honors, from the University of Missouri. His fake best-selling novel series, The Frat Romance Novel, has been self-described as a "pioneering achievement in satirical erotica." Bacon is originally from St. Louis, and currently lives in Austin, Texas. He still has not admitted to his family what he does for a living, and is prone to having wet nightmares ever since losing his virginity in a haunted house. Email: rob@grandex.co

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  1. 4
    FS2012

    Actually, I heard a version of this story for WWII. When we were giving out free shit to everyone, including the fucking soviets, we sent out everything soldiers would need, including condoms. The Ruskies, thinking they were so badass, asked for extra-large condoms. So, some smartass in the army sent them the crates of giant condoms, in packages marked “medium”. This one sounds much more believable than airdropping condoms, but the CIA did do stuff way crazier than this.

    ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 3 years ago
  2. 2
    Tallapoosa Snu

    Guilty as charged. I have a super massive horse cock. Except its not my penis, it’s just a horse’s penis I keep around. I really should throw that thing out. It smells terrible.

    ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 3 years ago