Jack Taylor, a sophomore guard at Division III Grinnell, scored 138 points in an absolute shellacking of Faith Baptist Bible (kinda surprised, I had Faith Baptist taking this one). The final score was 179-104.
Intermittent shouts of “Pass the fucking ball, Jack,” “Oh hey, Jack, why don’t you throw up another goddamn three-pointer,” and “Jack, fuck you. I’m wide open” could be clearly heard in the stands from the rest of the Grinnell Patriots sharing the floor with the D-III Kobe Bryant.
Taylor was 52-of-108 from the floor and drained 27-of-71 3-pointers. He added seven free throws on 10 attempts in 36 minutes.
He has 185 points through Grinnell’s first three games.
71 three-pointers? You serious, Jackie? You realize everyone hates you, right? For every one of your 25th through your 71st three-pointer, everyone wanted to just push you down and kick your ribs in, your teammates especially. You missed 44 three-pointers, man. That’s not okay.
Guess what, guys. Ready for me to blow your minds? Jack Taylor is a white dude. He’s caucasionally limited and weighs about as much as Bacon would after a full Vitamin S cycle.
Regardless of how his teammates view him right now, Jack Taylor is getting laid tonight, guys.