I Will Teach All of You How to Live
Dearest Fraternity Men, Judging by the majority of the posts on TFM, most of us can agree on a few things: We love women in spite of their terrible attempts at humor; We love top shelf bourbon and the cheapest light beers; We wear the North while we represent the South; We believe in free market capitalism so much that we'd rather kill every baby seal in the world than allow our tax dollars to go the man at the liquor store bragging about how his "Obama check" is paying for his fifth of gin...
50 Things Sorority Girls Should Know About Fraternity Guys
1. We don’t like your Lilly Pulitzer, we tolerate it. 2. We don’t want to hear about your period. At all. 3. There are very few things you can do that are better than a morning blowjob. 4. If you’re giving us head, for the love of God don’t remind us of the fact that...
40 Things GDIs Should Know About Greeks
1. We are going to take up the whole sidewalk when we walk to class. Longboard accordingly. 2. We’re too hungover to give a shit about your pamphlet, don’t try to hand one to us. 3. There’s a bike lane. Use it. 4. We don’t pay for our friends, we pay to not have to...
From My Mother
My father handed me my first beer and told me “don’t tell your mother.” He taught me how to throw a ball, and shoot a gun. He gave me half the clothes in my closet and taught me how to tie a tie. I know that the only time it is acceptable to wear cargo...
50 Things I Learned in College
1. There is always an excuse to get drunk. 2. Biting a stripper’s nipple is frowned upon. 3. Sometimes you just have to puke and rally. 4. You can’t get into an Obama rally wearing camo and McCain/Palin “Drill Baby Drill” t-shirts. 5. If everyone hates the girl you’re talking to, it’s time to re-evaluate...
Rooftop Sex With a Censored Boner?
Allegedly, the USC fraternity that recently got into hot water over an email for hilariously degrading women, found another way to disturb GDIs. How? By smashing some puss atop the School of Education during a Greek philanthropy event.
Sterling Cooper’s Guide to Raging Effectively
Brothers, I have recently noticed something interesting. Apparently, there are a few people on this site who, get ready for it...like to drink. Surprising, I know. I thought this week would be a good time to share my own perspective on the fraternity community's national pastime. Now, I know nobody likes to be told how to drink. I am not doing this. I know this isn't your first rodeo. I'd just like to share a few of my personal views with my favorite audience. Think of it as Sterling Cooper's Personal Scale of Intoxication.
The Champ on Entitlement
You probably think you know where this is going. You’re wrong. No this isn’t about Occupy Wall Street or destroying liberal agendas or any of that crap. This is a real issue that bugs me and has ever since I graduated. There are a lot of kids who scrap and claw their way through college....
Honor your Heritage
As a young boy I was always intrigued by my grandfather’s world. I’ll never forget the beat up workbench in his garage with old screws and parts crammed into glass jars. There was a distinct smell: the wonderful, yet odd combination of oil, old wood, fishing tackles, and rusting metal wafting through the air like...
Rush Boobs From This Week (62 Photos)
Since the dawn of the internet, fraternity members have been convincing girls to write “Rush (Insert Fraternity Here)” across their chests for promotional purposes. Over the past several months there has been a massive resurgence in the world of rush boobs, and more recently, rush ass. Here are this week’s photos…
Typical Fraternity/Sorority Text Interaction
After having met in a bar not too long ago (an adventure which you can read about here), the following is a scenario in which a fraternity gentleman invites a sorority lady to his upcoming date function via text. Their thoughts are in italics, and the conversation is in plain text. Him: “hey Amber” Her:...
Inside the Mind of a Hazed Pledge
One thing is quite apparent on this site, pledges get no love, BECAUSE THEY DESERVE NO LOVE! ONLY PAIN AND SERVITUDE! Still, all of us were pledges once. Sure a combination of grain alcohol and PTSD caused us to black out most of our pledgeship memories, but that doesn’t mean we should completely neglect the...
What Fraternity Guys Say vs. What They Actually Mean
“I’m taking it easy tonight, I’ve got shit to do tomorrow.” I’m going to spend the first hour of my night drinking beer casually, until an attractive girl I know asks for shots. I will then become the most charming, handsome, confident, and intoxicated brother in the room over a span of 38 minutes. A...
College Dating Survival Guide
You aren’t even sure how it happened. The two of you shared a few sloppy drunken hookups and texted occasionally, but suddenly you find out you’re in the collegiate purgatory known as the “we’re talking” phase. I’m not even entirely sure what it means, all I know is it puts you at a crossroads. There...
Mom Films Young Fratstar Drugged Up After Surgery
Remember the viral video “David After Dentist” with the kid in the backseat of his dad’s car? Yeah, the one that spawned the quote, “Is this real life?” which has subsequently been used as a Facebook album title by thousands of sorostitutes. This is better than that. “Ohhhh look what I got. Look what I...
Intramural Player Stands Up For His Beliefs, and America
During the Greek League Championship of intramural basketball my senior year, I got into a shoving match with a bottom-tier douchebag on the other team. The liberal student ref gave me a technical, and then blew two more calls down the stretch that cost my team the game. I was airing my grievances with this...
Honor the Pledgeship
A man’s right to initiation requires something from him… There are few things more woven into the fraternity culture than pledgeship and the tradition of earning your way to become a brother. The need for initiation is a primal part of the male psyche and pledging, in its correct form, offers this. In a culture...
Throwback Thursday: Classic Email Exchange
The following emails have been passed around for several years and are alleged to be from The University of Georgia: Brad, It would be difficult for me to be any more miserable right now, I feel like the worst person ever. First, let me start by saying that I am truly truly sorry, and I...
Stuff Frat People Like: Dads
Now I know most of my columns are devoted to the many vices of fraternity men, including but not limited to: binge drinking, raw dogging sorostitutes, and general socially unacceptable behavior. But today, I’d like to take a step back and acknowledge something a little more serious. While our lifestyles contain plenty of recklessness and...
