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40 Things GDIs Should Know About Greeks
1. We are going to take up the whole sidewalk when we walk to class. Longboard accordingly. 2. We’re too hungover to give a shit about your pamphlet, don’t try to hand one to us. 3. There’s a bike lane. Use it. 4. We don’t pay for our friends, we pay to not have to...
- Nice Move 1216
- Comments 171
- Florida
50 Things I Learned in College
1. There is always an excuse to get drunk. 2. Biting a stripper’s nipple is frowned upon. 3. Sometimes you just have to puke and rally. 4. You can’t get into an Obama rally wearing camo and McCain/Palin “Drill Baby Drill” t-shirts. 5. If everyone hates the girl you’re talking to, it’s time to re-evaluate...
- Nice Move 948
- Comments 88
- Florida
From My Mother
My father handed me my first beer and told me “don’t tell your mother.” He taught me how to throw a ball, and shoot a gun. He gave me half the clothes in my closet and taught me how to tie a tie. I know that the only time it is acceptable to wear cargo...
- Nice Move 845
- Comments 147
- Texas
The Frat Romance Novel, Part IV: A Formal Desire
Read the first three installments of the epic Frat Romance Saga Here: The Frat Romance Novel The Frat Romance Novel, Part Deux: The French Penetration The Frat Romance Novel, Part Three… Way It was a clear, bright midday as Emma approached the fratcastle holding a freshly baked cake in her hands. Her generously exposed bosoms...
- Nice Move 504
- Comments 136
- Missouri
The Quarter Life Crisis
For most men, there comes a time in their lives where they near middle-age, look back on their lives, and say to themselves “shit, I’m already 40 years old and have nothing to show for it.” Most likely this includes that guy’s kids. This guy is in a dark place. Fortunately for us in the...
- Nice Move 472
- Comments 80
- Florida
30 Excuses to Get Drunk
1. Obama (hopefully) only has 274 days left in office. 2. Finals week is coming up, and you can’t (shouldn’t) get drunk in the library. 3. Because almost everything in the world is more fun when you’re drunk. 4. It’s Monday, and another shitty week of school just started. 5. It’s Tuesday, and you’re still...
- Nice Move 455
- Comments 53
- Florida
A Timeline of the Night Before My Last Final
5:00 PM Text 3 different adderall dealers to ensure productivity. Unwrap recently purchased textbook and beer. 5:03 PM Close textbook and admit temporary defeat. Chug beer and head to study room. 5:05-5:30 PM Get distracted en route to study room, play quick game of Madden. Lose by 25 to the Dolphins. 5:30-5:35 PM Scan test...
- Nice Move 414
- Comments 89
- Florida
30 Things I Learned While Pledging
1. Hearing the same song over and over again is the best way to drive someone insane. 2. Being cocky will get you some places in life, but it will never make you a Brother. 3. I’ll never be able to comfortably wear a white t-shirt and khaki shorts again, repressed memories. 4. Your pledge...
- Nice Move 334
- Comments 69
- Florida
The Obituary of Michael “Flathead” Blanchard
The following obituary appeared in the Denver Post: Blanchard, Michael “Flathead” 1944 ~ 2012 A Celebration of the life of Michael “Flathead” Blanchard will be held on April 14th, 3 pm 8160 Rosemary St, Commerce City. Weary of reading obituaries noting someone’s courageous battle with death, Mike wanted it known that he died as a...
- Nice Move 325
- Comments 30
- Texas
Saved In The Wilderness
Brothers, Once upon a time, I made the fateful decision to go on a backpacking trip to New Mexico. Some perspective, I needed a three athletic credits to graduate. I was enrolled in the golf class every semester I spent in college. Not because I needed to learn, but because advanced golfers (10 handicap and...
- Nice Move 292
- Comments 63
- Texas
5 Random Reasons America is the Greatest Country on Earth
Kate Upton Here in America, we have found the perfect woman. She is tall, slender, perfectly proportioned, and best of all, born in 1992. This voluptuous young model graced the most recent cover of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition, and, consequently inspired an unprecedented semen genocide, the likes of which the world has never before...
- Nice Move 258
- Comments 134
- Florida
New Zealand College Kids Invent Best/Worst Drinking Game Ever
Before I read this story all that really ever came to mind when I thought about New Zealand was “The Lord of the Rings” and a very racist dragon (who no doubt chose the name for New Zealand’s national soccer team). To be honest I didn’t think New Zealanders had any redeeming qualities at all,...
- Nice Move 248
- Comments 76
- Missouri
7 Rule Changes That Would Make Soccer Popular in America
1. Alex Morgan Has to Play in Lingerie Do I really need to explain why this would work? Alex Morgan is a sex goddess sent from heaven with the sole purpose of giving mankind hope that a female athlete can, in fact, be sexually appealing. Having Alex strip down to her skivvies would give Americans...
- Nice Move 242
- Comments 163
- Florida
High School Frat Prospects
Note: The following characters are fictional. Clayton Hodge Height: 5’10” Weight: 190 lbs. High School: Beaumont Kelly – Beaumont, TX GPA: 2.9 Strengths: - dedicated alcoholic - can bong two beers in 5 seconds flat - father is successful lawyer - seasoned crawfish boiler - doesn’t believe in monogamy - smooth talker, regularly outkicks coverage...
- Nice Move 230
- Comments 119
- Texas
420 Philosophy
It’s that magical time of year again when people from all around the world get blazed together at the same glorious time. It’s 420 and if you don’t know what the hype is all about you probably won’t be ripping Mr. Geebs today. 420 is about celebrating life. It’s about experiencing unity with fellow human...
- Nice Move 196
- Comments 210
- Florida
Top 10 Frattest MLB Players
10. Mickey Mantle Mickey Mantle kicks off this list for being perhaps the highest functioning alcoholic this country has ever seen. While playing drunk, Mickey amassed the following throughout his career: 536 homeruns as a switch hitter, 3 league MVPs, and 7 World Series rings. And he played a great centerfield for the Yankees. The...
- Nice Move 196
- Comments 99
- Texas
How to Raise a Rage Baby
It seems like everyday I hear about another one of my dumb slut high school girlfriends who had a baby. When these hookers get pregnant I never really know if I should congratulate them or offer my sincerest apologies. When the baby is a terrible mistake, most people’s first reaction is “Aww, that sucks for...
- Nice Move 194
- Comments 55
- Florida
Fraternity Rivalries
Where there are fraternities there are fraternity rivalries. It’s a natural thing, like flowers blooming in the spring or the uncontrollable urge to masturbate in the shower. What I mean is, fraternity rivalries are going to happen; they’re inevitable. Like any convicted child pornographer will tell you, “I should’ve moved to Singapore when I had...
- Nice Move 186
- Comments 160
- Missouri
The Dapper Dipper on Dating
For the most part, people in college and especially the Greek world have pretty skewed expectations of what dating actually means. Maybe it’s the culture of sorority girls trying to find Mr. Right competing with fraternity guys behaving like…well, fraternity guys. Either way, people have all of these lofty expectations of what college dating is...
- Nice Move 185
- Comments 67
- Florida
The Frat Romance Novel, Part V: A Day of Rage and Passion
When the sun broke over the hills, bringing another serene Texas morning, Charlotte rose with it. She looked out her window at the new day with great anticipation. Her loins tingled with excitement as she thought of what the day may bring. This day was not like the others. For weeks Charlotte had looked forward...
- Nice Move 163
- Comments 85
- Missouri
50 Ways To Stay Frat This Summer
1. Float trip. 2. Make your little brother your own personal pledge. 3. Get kicked out of a hometown bar by a former high school classmate. 4. Road trip to a city you’ve never been, drink to excess, make that city wish you never came. 5. Catch up on old Clint Eastwood and John Wayne...
- Nice Move 154
- Comments 149
- Missouri
Honor Your Graduation
So it is graduation time, good for you. I have to be honest, graduation scared the hell out of me when my time was approaching. I was thinking back to those days and thought “what would I tell myself ten years later?” “What advice would I share?” Those questions really got me thinking. So here’s...
- Nice Move 134
- Comments 26
- Tennessee
America: The Big Swinging Dick of the World, Part 3
America is the greatest country on Earth for many reasons. Democracy, freedom, fast food, flip cup… but ultimately it comes down to the fact that we are the best at making other people dead. If life is a game, you can’t win it if you aren’t alive. That is the simple philosophy that fuels the...
- Nice Move 133
- Comments 131
- Florida
Bottom Tier Problems
“Dude I took down a whole case by myself last night… and no girls helped!” “I would have had a date for formal…but all the girls I asked had date functions that weekend. Chalk it up to poor planning I guess…” “We don’t like having girls at rush because we think it takes away from...
- Nice Move 128
- Comments 144
- Florida
Don’t Take Your Subleasing Decisions Lightly
Spending the summer in your college town is fun. Even if you decide to take summer classes (which you totally should because they’re way easier and the professors barely give a shit) most of your time will be spent doing fun things. Your days will be filled with drinking and your nights… well, also drinking....
- Nice Move 122
- Comments 60
- Missouri
The Champ on Wedding Season
It’s May, the primetime of wedding season is here. For postgrads it’s the best time of year. That’s right, watching some poor schlub get hitched up to his high school sweetheart makes for a great weekend. You know the girl, the one that made him come home that one Thursday night and the pledge trainer...
- Nice Move 117
- Comments 37
- Missouri
GDI Steals Countless Panties from Dorm Laundry Room
I think I just found the exact opposite of Danny Ocean, and it’s a 19-year-old GDI panty thief from the University of Missouri (Ed. Note: Goddammit). A freshman was arrested in Hatch residence hall after dozens of pairs of stolen women’s underwear were found in his room. Kevin Waida, 19, was arrested on charges of...
- Nice Move 110
- Comments 77
- Missouri
Some People You’ll Meet at a House Party
It seems that no matter where you go for a house party, there are certain things you can’t escape. Whether you’re looking for an evening to kick back and relax or are drunkenly stumbling in after what’s already been an eventful night, from the moment you walk in you’re bound to meet a few of...
- Nice Move 108
- Comments 77
- Indiana
5 Types of Blackout Drunks
Most college students have gotten blackout drunk before. The night starts with a few beers at the apartment, progresses with a few shots before heading to the bars, and sometime between the 11th whiskey ginger and screaming “WAGON WHEEL” at the douchebag who keeps blaring thrash metal on the jukebox, everything goes…well…black. However, what the...
- Nice Move 106
- Comments 44
- Florida
