The 5 Worst Songs in America Right Now
I’m not sure what’s happened to popular music in the last 15 years, but it’s safe to say it’s gone from “Really bad” to “How are they even calling this music anymore?” It seems that every day another overproduced, oversimplified excuse for music comes out that would be much better used at Guantanomo Bay. I’m...
TFM March Madness Bracket Contest
March Madness kicks off tomorrow, March 13. Even the most casual of gamblers can find themselves stressing out during The Big Dance, and if you’re like my Adderall-fueled friend Stuart then you have roughly $300 spread across 5 brackets and could go into cardiac arrest at any second. Not to worry, TFM is here with...
Eli’s Brother
The story of Eli Manning’s NFL prowess is well-known, well-documented, and obviously legendary. He was recently fitted for his second Super Bowl ring and cleared space on his mantle for his second Super Bowl MVP trophy. Even with all of his success, I’d argue that his football career is still on the ascent. However, I’m...
American Icons: Pierce Bush
You’ve all heard of George W. Bush, the 43rd President of the United States. But have you heard of his nephew, Pierce Bush? Probably not. Pierce Mallon Bush, son of “sex romp” participant Neil Bush, was a fraternity man at the University of Texas. Here are some college photos of him with a recently deceased...
FAIL FRIDAY: Every Time We Touch
Ten real submissions, five photos, and two videos that didn’t seem quite right. Names were omitted to protect the guilty. Now I know I’m the only guy in my entire pledge class that can watch an hour of gay porn without getting a boner. TFM.–Montana I think this may be the first submission from the...
A President’s Guide to Pork Rinds and Money Laundering
You’ve just walked into a room you don’t recognize. There’s shag carpet on the floor, a brand new couch, loveseat and entertainment center arranged cozily around a single-man room. It’s no larger than a jail cell, but it’s beautiful. You wish you could spend the whole day in this fraternal arcadia. Then you remember this...
That First Arrest
My first time getting arrested was the exact opposite of the first time I had sex. The former experience lasted a long time, was spent with people I cared about, and involved a little bit of strangulation. My first sexual experience didn’t have any of those things, not even the strangulation. That doesn’t seem fair...
The Frattest Sports Movie Characters Part 3
Catch up on Part 1 and Part 2 if you missed them. Bud Kilmer West Canaan Coyote legendary head football coach Bud Kilmer is old school. He’s a hard ass who places a strong precedence on fundamentals, hard-nosed football and discipline. His coaching philosophy has been successful, however. He has two state titles and 22...
Rick “Rooster” Santorum Will Out Chug You, Bro
Rick Santorum is widely known as a champion of the unborn, but is he also a champion beer chugger? He is according to a new story from The Huffington Post. Everybody called him “Rooster.” And Rooster liked to chug. -Penn State, 1977- Frat Bro: ROOSTER! ROOSTER MY BRO! Check it out! Beer shower!!! (*shakes up...
Typical Fraternity/Sorority Sexual Interaction
After having attended a date function together (which you can read about here), a fraternity gentleman and a sorority lady head home to end their night. The following is the scenario in which…well, in which they do it. Their thoughts are in italics, and the conversation is in plain text. Him: Okay, so I finally...
The 5 Types of Breasts
Tits. Hooters. Honkers. Boobies. Funbags. Bajongas. Whatever you call them, the consensus for males of the world is this: breasts are fucking awesome. But just like beer, potato chips, whiskey, and all the other things in the world we love, breasts can come in many different varieties. After hours of painstaking research (believe me, it...
Gordon Bombay: A Tribute
Gordon Bombay is arguably one of the greatest characters to ever grace the silver screen. Credit to Emilio Estevez for perfectly capturing the essence of a substance abusing, hot shot lawyer caught in the crossroads of an identity crisis. Gordon Bombay grew up on the ice. He was a top peewee hockey prospect in Minnesota,...
Golden Tee: A Frat House Must
The Golden Tee follow-through. Those familiar with the game can picture it now. It’s an artful, picturesque motion recognized in bars, restaurants and fraternity houses alike. The thud of a palm to the trackball. The hand thrust toward the screen and the leg-off-the-floor follow-through are some customary traits of this virtual golf art form. The...
An Animal House Musical?
There’s been an undeniable trend on Broadway over the last couple of years, maybe a decade, for those who are unaware (I assume that’s about 99.9998% of you). That trend is to take popular (and I can’t stress how loosely I use that word) films and turn them into stage musicals. Sometimes the films are...
TFM Sweetheart Ginny Connor Photoshoot
TFM Sweetheart and University of Arizona Wildcat, Ginny Connor, shares some Pac 12 love. Photos courtesy of Tucson12.com For more of Ginny or more Arizona girls visit Tucson12.com
Social Media: Shamed if You Do, Shamed if You Don’t
It’s no secret that our generation is technologically savvy. Recent college graduates are capable of effortlessly streaming live jungle porn from Thailand while older generations can barely use their computers for actual work. We took budding social media innovations and we made them into full-blown industries. Today these social media outlets so affect society that...
Angry Hungry
When you’re high, eating is a treat, a delight. It’s a pleasurable experience. The sheer volume of the food you eat while high might be gluttonous, but you eat it joyfully. When you’re drunk, or hungover, food is a necessity. You don’t want food, you NEED it. It doesn’t matter if you ate a five-course...
FAIL COLUMN: The Chapter’s C*%$ Little Sister
Every week the TFM editorial staff receives a number of column submissions that, to put it mildly, read like the musings of a drunken lunatic. Here, without a single edit, is one of those columns in its entirety. As with Fail Friday, the name of the author has been omitted to protect the guilty. Every...
FAIL FRIDAY: Frat, Frat City Bitch
Ten real submissions, nine photos, and two videos that didn’t seem quite right. Names were omitted to protect the guilty. Saw the slam with her boyfriend on campus. She came over to introduce him to me. Shook his hand and said, “So how’s my dick taste?” and walked away. TFM.–New York Way to be the...
TFM Spring Break Photo Contest 2012
It’s that time of year again. Time to leave all your responsibilities and morals on campus, and rage like a fucking dickhead at your designated Spring Break destination. Just make sure someone has a camera. Last year TFM had a photo contest to celebrate the weeklong festival of debauchery, and it went incredibly well, so...
