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50 Things Sorority Girls Should Know About Fraternity Guys
1. We don’t like your Lilly Pulitzer, we tolerate it. 2. We don’t want to hear about your period. At all. 3. There are very few things you can do that are better than a morning blowjob. 4. If you’re giving us head, for the love of God don’t remind us of the fact that...
- Nice Move 1579
- Comments 184
- Florida
40 Things GDIs Should Know About Greeks
1. We are going to take up the whole sidewalk when we walk to class. Longboard accordingly. 2. We’re too hungover to give a shit about your pamphlet, don’t try to hand one to us. 3. There’s a bike lane. Use it. 4. We don’t pay for our friends, we pay to not have to...
- Nice Move 1216
- Comments 171
- Florida
50 Things I Learned in College
1. There is always an excuse to get drunk. 2. Biting a stripper’s nipple is frowned upon. 3. Sometimes you just have to puke and rally. 4. You can’t get into an Obama rally wearing camo and McCain/Palin “Drill Baby Drill” t-shirts. 5. If everyone hates the girl you’re talking to, it’s time to re-evaluate...
- Nice Move 948
- Comments 88
- Florida
From My Mother
My father handed me my first beer and told me “don’t tell your mother.” He taught me how to throw a ball, and shoot a gun. He gave me half the clothes in my closet and taught me how to tie a tie. I know that the only time it is acceptable to wear cargo...
- Nice Move 845
- Comments 147
- Texas
The Champ on Entitlement
You probably think you know where this is going. You’re wrong. No this isn’t about Occupy Wall Street or destroying liberal agendas or any of that crap. This is a real issue that bugs me and has ever since I graduated. There are a lot of kids who scrap and claw their way through college....
- Nice Move 833
- Comments 162
- Missouri
Honor your Heritage
As a young boy I was always intrigued by my grandfather’s world. I’ll never forget the beat up workbench in his garage with old screws and parts crammed into glass jars. There was a distinct smell: the wonderful, yet odd combination of oil, old wood, fishing tackles, and rusting metal wafting through the air like...
- Nice Move 822
- Comments 89
- Anonymous
Mom Films Young Fratstar Drugged Up After Surgery
Remember the viral video “David After Dentist” with the kid in the backseat of his dad’s car? Yeah, the one that spawned the quote, “Is this real life?” which has subsequently been used as a Facebook album title by thousands of sorostitutes. This is better than that. “Ohhhh look what I got. Look what I...
- Nice Move 724
- Comments 132
- Texas
College Dating Survival Guide
You aren’t even sure how it happened. The two of you shared a few sloppy drunken hookups and texted occasionally, but suddenly you find out you’re in the collegiate purgatory known as the “we’re talking” phase. I’m not even entirely sure what it means, all I know is it puts you at a crossroads. There...
- Nice Move 690
- Comments 90
- Florida
Inside the Mind of a Hazed Pledge
One thing is quite apparent on this site, pledges get no love, BECAUSE THEY DESERVE NO LOVE! ONLY PAIN AND SERVITUDE! Still, all of us were pledges once. Sure a combination of grain alcohol and PTSD caused us to black out most of our pledgeship memories, but that doesn’t mean we should completely neglect the...
- Nice Move 676
- Comments 120
- Missouri
Honor the Pledgeship
A man’s right to initiation requires something from him… There are few things more woven into the fraternity culture than pledgeship and the tradition of earning your way to become a brother. The need for initiation is a primal part of the male psyche and pledging, in its correct form, offers this. In a culture...
- Nice Move 660
- Comments 52
- Anonymous
Typical Fraternity/Sorority Text Interaction
After having met in a bar not too long ago (an adventure which you can read about here), the following is a scenario in which a fraternity gentleman invites a sorority lady to his upcoming date function via text. Their thoughts are in italics, and the conversation is in plain text. Him: “hey Amber” Her:...
- Nice Move 658
- Comments 122
- Anonymous
Intramural Player Stands Up For His Beliefs, and America
During the Greek League Championship of intramural basketball my senior year, I got into a shoving match with a bottom-tier douchebag on the other team. The liberal student ref gave me a technical, and then blew two more calls down the stretch that cost my team the game. I was airing my grievances with this...
- Nice Move 627
- Comments 74
- Texas
Throwback Thursday: Classic Email Exchange
The following emails have been passed around for several years and are alleged to be from The University of Georgia: Brad, It would be difficult for me to be any more miserable right now, I feel like the worst person ever. First, let me start by saying that I am truly truly sorry, and I...
- Nice Move 597
- Comments 92
- Texas
Stuff Frat People Like: Dads
Now I know most of my columns are devoted to the many vices of fraternity men, including but not limited to: binge drinking, raw dogging sorostitutes, and general socially unacceptable behavior. But today, I’d like to take a step back and acknowledge something a little more serious. While our lifestyles contain plenty of recklessness and...
- Nice Move 580
- Comments 127
- Florida
Penn State Football. NF.
Unless you’re in Hell Week or have been living under a rock, you’ve heard about the disaster in the not-so-aptly-named Happy Valley. If you’ve miraculously managed to avoid the unsettling news, let me catch you up. A report was recently released revealing a disturbing trail of events involving the Penn State football program. Basically, it...
- Nice Move 576
- Comments 249
- Texas
An Open Letter to GDIs: Yes, We’re Really Like This
Dear GDIs, It has come to my attention that now, more than ever, the gap between “frat” and “GDI” is widening at an exponential rate. Believe it or not, I’m not here to talk down to you or belittle you (see literally any other page on this site if that’s what you’re looking for). I’m...
- Nice Move 575
- Comments 100
- Florida
Sterling Cooper Talks Women
Brothers, As you may have gathered, I am a fan of the ladies. There are two distinct classes of women that I know you are all familiar with. There are slampieces and there are women. Slampieces are simple. They like fraternity men. We like them too, in a very vagina-central sort of way. If a...
- Nice Move 549
- Comments 114
- Texas
Inside an Internal Hazing Inquiry
President: Okay guys, we all know why we’re here today. There have been some incredibly serious hazing allegations brought against our fraternity by the university. What myself, our alumni advisor, and the rest of exec board want to do today is figure out exactly what happened on the night in question so that we can...
- Nice Move 544
- Comments 128
- Missouri
Stuff Frat People Like: America
We may all have our differences come football season and over the outcome of the Civil War, but there are a few things we as Fraternal gentlemen coast to coast can all agree on. A glass of whiskey. Proclaiming our superiority over GDI’s. A round of golf. Post-bar raw dog sessions. All of these things...
- Nice Move 534
- Comments 61
- Florida
The Frat Romance Novel, Part IV: A Formal Desire
Read the first three installments of the epic Frat Romance Saga Here: The Frat Romance Novel The Frat Romance Novel, Part Deux: The French Penetration The Frat Romance Novel, Part Three… Way It was a clear, bright midday as Emma approached the fratcastle holding a freshly baked cake in her hands. Her generously exposed bosoms...
- Nice Move 504
- Comments 136
- Missouri
Sterling Cooper’s Heroes: Andrew Jackson
Brothers, This is the first installment in a series that I call “Sterling Cooper’s Heroes.” This series will be about men and women (honestly–probably just men), who typify a combination of fratness, gentlemanliness and general badassery. For the inaugural article, I’ve picked a man who has long been one of my favorite Presidents: Andrew Jackson....
- Nice Move 493
- Comments 159
- Texas
The Quarter Life Crisis
For most men, there comes a time in their lives where they near middle-age, look back on their lives, and say to themselves “shit, I’m already 40 years old and have nothing to show for it.” Most likely this includes that guy’s kids. This guy is in a dark place. Fortunately for us in the...
- Nice Move 472
- Comments 80
- Florida
Overheard on the Goldman Sachs Elevator
An anonymous career banker inside Goldman Sachs opened a twitter account (@GSElevator) with the intention of revealing the hilarious banter that takes place in the privacy of the GS elevators. Since then, the account has evolved to include things overheard on trading floors, bullpens, lobbies and bars. Some of the conversations involve more than one...
- Nice Move 467
- Comments 84
- Texas
Honor the Process
We’re designed to be hunters and we’re in a society of shopping. There’s nothing to kill anymore, there’s nothing to fight, nothing to overcome, nothing to explore. In that societal emasculation this everyman is created.-David Fincher, director of Fight Club What has happened to American masculinity? For three generations the men of my family labored...
- Nice Move 466
- Comments 104
- Anonymous
The Frat Romance Novel
Twas a crisp autumn evening when Caroline first laid her eyes upon Darren. Caroline had gone to the recreational sports fields with her sisters to watch the fraternity men compete against one another in flag football. Her attendance, however, was more about socializing than watching the game. Athletics bored Caroline, but the sight of Darren...
- Nice Move 466
- Comments 98
- Missouri
30 Excuses to Get Drunk
1. Obama (hopefully) only has 274 days left in office. 2. Finals week is coming up, and you can’t (shouldn’t) get drunk in the library. 3. Because almost everything in the world is more fun when you’re drunk. 4. It’s Monday, and another shitty week of school just started. 5. It’s Tuesday, and you’re still...
- Nice Move 455
- Comments 53
- Florida
Deconstructing a TFM Detractor
TotalFratMove receives a lot of criticism. Student newspapers and blogs across the country chastise the site for its supposed negative portrayal of Greek Life. Meanwhile hypersensitive officials (as if there’s another kind) from fraternity and sorority nationals and alumni boards view the site as a PR nightmare. I stumbled across one of the aforementioned student...
- Nice Move 436
- Comments 151
- Missouri
Typical Fraternity/Sorority Sexual Interaction
After having attended a date function together (which you can read about here), a fraternity gentleman and a sorority lady head home to end their night. The following is the scenario in which…well, in which they do it. Their thoughts are in italics, and the conversation is in plain text. Him: Okay, so I finally...
- Nice Move 419
- Comments 93
- Anonymous
A Timeline of the Night Before My Last Final
5:00 PM Text 3 different adderall dealers to ensure productivity. Unwrap recently purchased textbook and beer. 5:03 PM Close textbook and admit temporary defeat. Chug beer and head to study room. 5:05-5:30 PM Get distracted en route to study room, play quick game of Madden. Lose by 25 to the Dolphins. 5:30-5:35 PM Scan test...
- Nice Move 414
- Comments 89
- Florida
