Front yard pong is the best kind of pong. Fresh air. Ample room for dunks. Shouting “This shot is for youuu!” at female joggers. Also, it’s impossible to jump off the roof and drop a flying elbow onto the table if it’s stuck indoors. That’s why this city councilman’s plan to abolish front yard pong tables at houses near the University of Colorado is so heinous.
City Councilman Andrew Shoemaker hopes to pass the ordinance in University Hill, a town right next to the University of Colorado where many students reside. If the legislation goes into effect, it would be similar to the city’s current ban on leaving upholstered furniture in the front yard, which costs $100 for a first offense.
But why, Shoemaker? WHY?
From Daily Camera:
“You drive through the Hill in the spring or the fall, you see them. You see them laying out all winter,” the councilman said in an interview Thursday. “What I’m talking about is getting these things out of the yard.”
I guess the uptight, non-college student neighbors are complaining that the pong tables are unsightly and cause people to leave a mess of cans lying around. Typical tree-hugging Coloradans.
First they strip these well-meaning young people of their front yard couches, and now they want to take away their pong tables? Ridiculous. I hate these goddamn neighborhood codes. People should be able to put whatever they want in their front yards. It’s their hard-earned property. If you want to lounge on a sofa out there, then you shouldn’t be fined for it. If you want to set up a pong table, then that’s your prerogative. If you want to erect a fountain statue of Ronald Reagan urinating in Putin’s gaping asshole, then by all means, you should be able to build that beauty 20 feet tall. This is America, dammit.
It’s time for the people of University Hill to fight for their rights. As an act of protest, round up as many tables as you can find, squeeze them onto every available inch of your lawn, and hold the biggest pong tourney the University of Colorado has ever seen. Then send us the results..
[via Daily Camera]