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Cowboy On Horseback Lassoes Bike Thief In Walmart Parking Lot, Is Today’s Biggest Badass

A southern Oregon man was casually riding his horse around a Walmart parking lot (sure why not, happens here in Texas enough) when he spotted a bike thief and, like any man who regularly dresses like this and rides a horse dreams of doing, chased down the perp, eventually catching the would be thief by lassoing his feet and bringing him to the ground. Here’s a picture of the nominee for citizen’s arrest of the year via Twitter:

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The best part of this picture, by far, is the perp hanging onto the tree for dear life. He had to be totally flabbergasted by this. Would there be anything more shocking than, while trying to get away with a petty crime, turning around and seeing a man clad in black chasing you down on a horse, whirling a rope over his head? You might as well just stop and surrender, because you’re for sure not getting away from this guy. From the get go this bike thief was squarely, solidly boned. This is the exact reason this cowboy has ridden his horse to the store everyday. The horse was probably excited about the action too. Nobody wants a shitty bike they jacked from a Walmart bike rack more than a man on a horse wants to rope a bad guy. “The Sheriff” isn’t just what this cowboy calls his penis anymore. Nope, that’s a nickname for his entire body now.

And as if getting arrested for stealing a bike isn’t pathetic enough on the part of the thief, now he has to add the whole cowboy thing to the story. Even this thief’s family is going to be mentally rooting for the cowboy when he explains the story of what happened to him. It’s just that badass.

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Rob Fox

Rob Fox (né Bacon) is Director of Video Content and a Senior Writer for Total Frat Move, Rowdy Gentleman, and Post Grad Problems. He is a graduate, without honors, from the University of Missouri. Rob is originally from St. Louis, and currently lives in Austin, Texas. He still has not admitted to his family what he does for a living, and is prone to having wet nightmares ever since losing his virginity in a haunted house. Email: rob@grandex.co

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