Cowboys Owner Jerry Jones Spits Hot Fire In Rap Song

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Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones has been on fire this summer. First, he went out of his way to publicly declare his fondness for what is known to porn enthusiasts and sexual deviants as “glory hole.”


“I’ve been here when it was glory hole days, and I’ve been here when it wasn’t. And so having said that, uh, I want me some glory hole.”

Definition From Wikipedia:

A glory hole (also spelled gloryhole and glory-hole) is a hole in a wall, or other partition, often between public lavatory stalls or adult video arcade booths for people to engage in sexual activity or observe the person in the next cubicle while one or both parties masturbate. The partition maintains anonymity. Body parts including fingers, tongue and penis may be used for anonymous oral, vaginal and/or anal intercourse. Erotic literature and pornographic films have been devoted to the sexual uses of glory holes.

Cowboys public relations director Rich Dalrymple tried to repair the damage, immediately chiming in:

“Glory hole is a commonly used expression in the oil and gas exploration business.”

Unfortunately for Mr. Dalrymple, Jerry quickly erased his spin by responding:

“That’s news to me!”

Pump the breaks, Jerry. We get it. You love glory hole. You demand glory hole. I’m certain several members of your staff are sprinting around the Death Star, carving glory holes into all of the stalls to make sure that you get glory hole.

Whether or not it was a Freudian slip, a disturbing admission, or Jerry really was using some oil industry slang that he invented and never shared with anyone except PR crony Rich Dalrymple, we’ll never know. One thing is certain: Jerry had to do something to repair his image in the eyes of a younger generation that might not be so accepting of 1990’s bathhouse culture. So what was his next move? A Papa Johns rap commercial, obviously.

If that lyrical performance doesn’t inspire Super Bowl victory then I don’t know what will. Pffft. Nobody can take the Cowboys seriously when their delusional fans predict Super Bowl victory year after year, they fail to even make the playoffs, and their owner steals hip-hop hand motions from Dr. Evil…


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