Let’s be real: Subway is terrible. There are a grand total of zero items on that menu I would ever go out of my way to order. But sometimes you’re on a road trip, in a hurry, or are a masochist, and Subway is the only viable option (there are more Subways in the world than any other restaurant, after all), and you have to bite the bullet (and the yoga mat). If this ever happens to you, and it will at some point in your life, the Meatball Marinara is the only sub you won’t completely hate yourself for ordering. Unless, like I said, you’re a masochist — in which case order the Cold Cut Combo, you sick fuck.
I can’t blame this woman for freaking out at her would-be sandwich artist after he told her there were no meatballs to be had. This is a woman who has just resigned herself to either starvation or eating a different Subway menu item — both dreadful options. I’m not saying I’m on her side; I’m just saying I understand where she’s coming from. Here’s her freakout.
Oddly enough, this isn’t the worst Subway freakout I’ve ever witnessed. The following is a 100% true story that happened back when TFM writer Steve Holt used to work here at Grandex World Headquarters in Austin, Texas.
One time a stoplight by Grandex HQ was broken, and traffic was so backed up that we ended up having to stay close to the office instead of going to Austin staple Thundercloud Subs for lunch. Steve Holt was screaming obscenities and literally kicking and screaming at the top of his lungs in the back seat of my car because we’d decided to go to Texas Honey Ham Co., a ham-based restaurant and Steve Holt’s least favorite place on earth. He wasn’t joking, either. This was a full-fledged, completely serious freakout. He ended up going into a nearby Subway while we went into Honey Ham. The line ended up being too long at Honey Ham, so we all just ended up getting Subway (awful idea). Steve Holt ate half of his terrible turkey sub, then offered me the other half because it was so bad and he didn’t want to eat it, then realized he was pissed at me for making him get Subway instead of Thundercloud — so he decided to just throw the other half in the garbage outside Subway so nobody could have it. It was the maddest he has ever been, and to this day remains the worst lunch I have ever had.
Fuck Steve Holt..