From the sick bastards who brought you Total Frat Move comes Post Grad Problems, the comedy website out to capture all that is hilarious and wrong with the alcohol-fueled corporate life awaiting most everyone after graduation.
PGP is out to capture the essence of that 9-5 work day, from the daily post grad observations and complaints that fill the wall…
…to the musings of PGP’s columnists, who are all balls deep in post grad life, for better or worse.
From “Sex Now vs. Sex In College”
College: Put on a Pixar movie, take the vodka out of the freezer and go at it.
Now: Dinner and a movie. Mind your manners. Good conversation. Hope they don’t follow the “third date rule.”
2. Pledge to get in shape by joining a CrossFit gym, puke during your first workout, and never return.
9. Lie to a member of the opposite sex about what you do for a living.
10. Heavily exaggerate to a member of your family about what you do for a living.
11. Lie to yourself about what you do for a living.
13. Purchase a piece of furniture from IKEA and become filled with homicidal rage when you fail to assemble it.
Maybe I’m just an asshole, but every time someone made small talk with me at my old jobs, I always wondered, “Why are you talking to me!?!” Were they trying to be nice? Don’t bother, you’re a 49-year-old obese man who stopped drinking 25 years ago. We have nothing in common. You could give me a free sub sandwich and I’d still avoid you at all costs, unless I saw you carrying another extra sub sandwich at a different time, in which case we’re boys. Maybe they were trying to impress me? I hope that wasn’t the case. Clearly I’m not impressive, I work at the same place they do.
If there was something interesting to talk about, sure, let’s have it. “Did you hear Diane the receptionist had a miscarriage? Yup, she was riding in a carriage through the park and the cobblestone road was way too bumpy.” Irony and dead babies? I’m game to listen to that story, no matter who’s telling it. However, stories about kids, half joking complaints about home life, and anything about the weather that isn’t “OH FUCK THERE’S A TORNADO IN THE PARKING LOT AND IT JUST GAVE DIANE ANOTHER MISCARRIAGE!” are completely unwelcome.
We’re here to console you in your post grad misery, and maybe even brighten it up a little bit. Post Grad Problems is cubicle humor, which is like gallows humor, but you’re dying much more slowly.
Your cubicle just got a lot more interesting.