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Creepy GDI Wreaks Havoc on Mizzou’s Campus by “Bear Hugging” Strangers

It’s a sad, cold world we live in when an impromptu hug session leads to assault charges, but last Thursday at the University of Missouri it would seem that the world did indeed get a little less friendly. According to a Clery Release from the University of Missouri Police Department a then unidentified man assaulted a woman via the aggressively friendly embrace known as the “bear hug.”

STATEMENT ON REPORTED ASSAULT:

The University Police Department received a report of an assault that occurred on the sidewalk along Ninth Street near Speaker’s Circle on Oct. 24 around 9:35 a.m.

The female victim stated while walking to Ellis Library she passed an unknown individual who then turned, came up behind her, and wrapped his arms around her putting her in a “bear hug.” The victim tried to free herself but was unable get free. The assault ended when the suspect observed an unknown individual approaching them. The suspect released her and stated, “Oh, I thought you were someone else” and ran from the scene.

The suspect is described as a white male, college aged, approximately 5′ 9″ with a thin build, dark brown hair, brown eyes, clean shaven, noticeable acne on the face, braces on his teeth, and last wearing blue jeans and a white T-shirt.

The victim did not receive any injuries and no further information is available at this time.

The clearly joyless victim was then asked by police to give a description of the man, who began to be referred to as “The Bear Hug Bandit,” to a police sketch artist.

GAHHHHH! Never mind what I said earlier. Nobody should have to endure being hugged by someone as creepy looking as that. If this picture showed him smiling, with braces and all, it’d look like a composite sketch of a future serial killer.

The bear hugging incident apparently wasn’t the only run in an innocent woman had with the bandit.

STATEMENT ON SIMILAR INCIDENT:

On Oct. 25th around 4:56 p.m. the University Police Department received a report of similar incident described in a previous Clery Release. The description of the suspect is very similar and a composite is available in a link below.

The University Police Department received a report of a third degree assault that occurred in the Hitt Street Garage on the fourth floor. A female victim stated while walking up the stairs in Hitt Street Garage she noticed a subject following her. She stopped and the subject walked up to her, got very close and stated “don’t I know you.” He did not touch her, but the victim felt threatened by the subject. The victim said “no I don’t know you,” and the subject walked away.

The suspect is described as a white male, college-aged, approximately 6′ with athin build, dark brown hair, dark eyes, braces on his teeth, and last seen wearing blue jeans and a dark sweatshirt.

The current victim was taken to the University Police Department where she was shown a composite of the individual made earlier in the day by the first victim. The second victim felt it might be the same person.

So the guy is a close talking hug monster? If anything he sounds a little lonely, poor guy. He also sounds overly affectionate and apparently unable to control said affection. Unfortunately he, like most people, don’t realize that affection is often a person’s downfall, which is why my post-coital routine consists of me shouting “THAT MEANT NOTHING” before handing the girl an envelope containing a piece of paper with three deeply personal insults written on it.

With another incident in the books the University of Missouri Police Department became desperate. The Bear Hug Bandit was wreaking havoc across a campus slipping into chaos. “When Columbia is ashes, you have my permission to hug,” said the Bear Hug Bandit…probably. It wasn’t safe to hug anymore, and this being MUPD’s most important case in perhaps months, they knew they had to act fast.

Luckily they were able to apprehend The Bear Hug Bandit, aka Timothy Anderson.

ARREST MADE:

At approximately 11:50 p.m., Oct. 25, University Police Department officers arrested Timothy Anderson (Date of Birth 08/17/1993) on two counts of assault in the third degree, RSMO 565.070

This arrest was made possible due to information gathered from the community after they received the previous two clery releases. The department would like to thank the community for their assistance with this investigation.

As of Friday afternoon Anderson was being held in Boone County Jail on $1,000 bond, no doubt trying to avoid being on the receiving end of a few unwanted bear hugs.

[Source]

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