Dartmouth’s Green Key Weekend Lives Up To Tradition, Out Of Control

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According to the Dartmouth Student Affairs Office, Green Key weekend is a student planned event that usually consists of “outdoor bands, barbecues, and athletic events.” According to students, Green Key weekend is something different.

I’m sure there are bands, barbecues, and athletic events, but they are by no means the highlight of the weekend.

The event, which has been going on for over eighty years, has been plagued with what the school labels criminal activities, but what you would probably call a good time. For example, in 1931, a female guest named Lulu McWhoosh (I’m not making this up), rode naked on a bicycle through campus, prompting a three-year hiatus for Green Key.

In 1954, 69 students and their dates were caught playing golf at 4am by a member of the local police department. The policeman was alerted to the incident by the smell of “seduction” coming from the vicinity of the golf course. The officer “apprehended a student in the middle of the green roasting hot dogs [and proceeded to] confiscate the hot dogs, rolls, mustard, cupcakes, coffee, Canadian Club, marijuana, heroin and Alka-Seltzer.” Apparently, Dartmouth students were into some weird shit back in the day.

5.17.13.GK.LostTraditions

This year’s Green Key weekend, though heroin-free to my knowledge, still involved many aspects of the age-old tradition. On Friday, campus security received reports that two women were hit by water balloons, which were allegedly launched from near the Gamma Delta Chi fraternity house. Not long after, EMS responded to a report of an intoxicated female at the Chi Gamma Epsilon fraternity house. She was transported via ambulance and treated at “Dick’s House” later that night. Dick’s House is apparently, and hilariously, the name of a local medical treatment facility.

Additionally, police officers discovered flooding in the stairwell of the Theta Delta Chi house. After some investigation, they determined it was due to a “hose used to spray partygoers in the fraternity’s basement.”

Of course, there were many reports of your usual drunken activities over the weekend. There were also numerous citations for people drunk in public, such as the two individuals found sleeping in a locked bathroom stall. Fireworks were set off, port-a-johns were knocked over, and one alumnus was taken to the ER for an allergic reaction to seafood. All in good fun, folks.

All in all, there were a total fifty four reports filed with Campus Security this year, an increase from last year’s thirty six. Good job, Dartmouth.

[via The Dartmouth, The Dartmouth]

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BlutarskyTFM (@BlutoGrandex) is a contributing writer for Total Frat Move and Post Grad Problems, the self-appointed Senior Military Analyst for TFM News, founder of the #YesAllMenWhoWearHawaiianShirts Movement, and, on an unrelated note, a huge fan of buffets. While by no means an athletic man, he was the four-square champion of his elementary school in 1997. When not writing poorly organized columns or cracking stupid, inappropriate jokes on Twitter, Bluto pretends to be well-read, finds excuses not to exercise, and actually has a real job.

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