Dead Hookers Are Rising From The Grave (Hopefully Not Seeking Revenge)

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Nice Move

But what are they when they return from the dead!?!

This news story is an army of man-eating spiders and a demon clown away from being my worst nightmare. Dead hookers are rising from the grave, reborn with a new lust, a blood lust (I assume). Actually, let’s just get into the facts.

The vice girl reportedly collapsed during a sex session last week at the Manor Hotel in Bulaweyo.

Convinced she was dead, her shocked client called the police – who sent paramedics to collect the body.

But as they were loading the ‘corpse’ into a metal coffin, the hooker suddenly woke up screaming.

Local news reports claim she leaped from the casket, yelling: “You want to kill me, you want to kill me”.

Oh thank God, it was just shoddy paramedic work, as she wasn’t actually an undead prostitute risen to dismember the genitals of men.

I have to imagine this hooker wakes up screaming “You want to kill me, you want to kill me,” quite often, considering the inherent danger of being a third world prostitute, which of course is a profession only slightly more dangerous than parachute tester and Buckwild cast member (too soon?). Hell, this probably isn’t even the first time this chick has woken up in a coffin.

Thankfully, there was a happy ending.

The shaken hooker – known locally as MaNdlo – was escorted home by another prostitute.

If your pimp doesn’t give you a half day for waking up in a coffin, then you’re not getting time off for anything.

[via The Sun]

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