Dear Spring Pledge

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Nice Move

Dear spring pledge,

It’s ok. I understand. You probably went home over the break and got hazed by your old high school friends. They all joined top-tier fraternities and you’re still a worthless geed. They still let you hang out, but while they talk about slamming sorority girls in toga orgies, you reminisce on nights spent slamming Four Loko trying to dodge the RA while scampering girlishly between dorm rooms. Your buddies swap stories from pledgeship and fight over who had it worse, and occasionally you laugh to let them know you’re still there. That’s when the harsh realization sets in: You offer nothing to society, and your friends and family would rather hang out with Nancy Grace than you.

Not to worry. Many fine fraternities offer a second-rate road to brotherhood known as spring pledgeship. Sure, everyone will call you a pussy and assume that you were too much of a bitch to join in the Fall, and for the rest of your life you’ll be labeled as a slapdick, but that’s what you get. At least you don’t have to set up for tailgate. Try not to think about the fact that a ravenous pack of haze-hungry, alcohol-fueled lunatics just got initiated and are chomping at the bit to make you cry like a schoolgirl. This is your life now. It’ll all be over in a short 16 weeks. Not counting hell week. At least you have Spring Break. Maybe.

By the way, we elected the white Ray Lewis as pledge trainer. He’s been blowing down small mountains of nose candy, and teen-wolfing handles of Kentucky Deluxe in a blackout fit of rage preparing for your arrival. At least you have one last chance at escaping a life of geedy mediocrity.

Fall Pledge

P.S. Fuck you.



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  1. 35
    PTG Beauregard

    Order of respect:

    Old alumni who give back
    Young alumni who give back
    Seniors on exec
    Alumni who don’t give back (seriously? what kind of example is that?)
    Fall pledges who have already rushed someone else
    Fall pledges
    Spring pledges

    ^ ThisTake a lapLog in or sign up to reply. • 6 years ago
  2. 5

    Only one thing that changes this. Some schools don’t allow Freshmen to pledge in the fall. In this case, the spring pledges are the shit, and the fall pledges are lame fucks

    ^ ThisTake a lapLog in or sign up to reply. • 6 years ago
    • 3

      Hahaha it’s okay sweetheart I’d be bitter if I went to the pledge of the sec too. But hey at least y’all have jay cutler though right?? Have fun never seeing your school win a conference football game in your life

      ^ ThisTake a lapLog in or sign up to reply. • 6 years ago
    • -9

      yeah, there’s nothing fratty at all about being a private school in the SEC, geed. enjoy filing those financial aid forms to go to your in-state school for 8 grand a year. vandy frats harder and is richer than you.

      ^ ThisTake a lapLog in or sign up to reply. • 6 years ago
  3. 0
    Peyton Fratting

    Whoa, why are these aforementioned fall pledges talking about slamming sorority girls in toga orgies when they have only spent a semester cleaning up the house? Typical NI’s.

    ^ ThisTake a lapLog in or sign up to reply. • 6 years ago

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