Dear Spring Pledge

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Dear spring pledge,

It’s ok. I understand. You probably went home over the break and got hazed by your old high school friends. They all joined top-tier fraternities and you’re still a worthless geed. They still let you hang out, but while they talk about slamming sorority girls in toga orgies, you reminisce on nights spent slamming Four Loko trying to dodge the RA while scampering girlishly between dorm rooms. Your buddies swap stories from pledgeship and fight over who had it worse, and occasionally you laugh to let them know you’re still there. That’s when the harsh realization sets in: You offer nothing to society, and your friends and family would rather hang out with Nancy Grace than you.

Not to worry. Many fine fraternities offer a second-rate road to brotherhood known as spring pledgeship. Sure, everyone will call you a pussy and assume that you were too much of a bitch to join in the Fall, and for the rest of your life you’ll be labeled as a slapdick, but that’s what you get. At least you don’t have to set up for tailgate. Try not to think about the fact that a ravenous pack of haze-hungry, alcohol-fueled lunatics just got initiated and are chomping at the bit to make you cry like a schoolgirl. This is your life now. It’ll all be over in a short 16 weeks. Not counting hell week. At least you have Spring Break. Maybe.

By the way, we elected the white Ray Lewis as pledge trainer. He’s been blowing down small mountains of nose candy, and teen-wolfing handles of Kentucky Deluxe in a blackout fit of rage preparing for your arrival. At least you have one last chance at escaping a life of geedy mediocrity.

Regards,
Fall Pledge

P.S. Fuck you.

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  1. 1
    KAvu

    I hate that this site is hating on Spring pledges. I went threw in the fall but Spring pledges I think sometimes get it worst than fall, only because there are fewer that pledge and in the spring and actives have more down time to fuck with pledges. So I’m not going to hate on them, actually I’m going to to tip my hat to them because that is less GDIs in this world. So fuck all you mother fuckers that hate people that go threw in the spring.

    ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 4 years ago
    • 0
      Sperry Seinfeld

      Smaller pledge class = a lot more work per pledge. I agree you are an idiot if you didn’t pledge in the fall, but you are no less of a brother because you pledged in the spring. No one cares what semester you pledged once you are initiated.

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 4 years ago
    • -3
      Blackball Bill

      through*

      No matter what semester you pledge you should learn how to spell. Pretty sure this site is meant to be entertaining, and this article is funny, not serious.

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 4 years ago
    • -3
      Broman_Sachs

      I am not surprised that this illiterate fuck was a spring pledge. It’s called proofreading, it’s also not very hard considering you wrote three sentences.

      I suggest you drop your fraternity, because you clearly do not deserve to be in it in the first place.

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 3 years ago
  2. 1
    PTG Beauregard

    Order of respect:

    Old alumni who give back
    Young alumni who give back
    Seniors on exec
    Alumni who don’t give back (seriously? what kind of example is that?)
    Seniors
    Juniors
    Sophomores
    Fall pledges who have already rushed someone else
    Fall pledges
    Spring pledges
    geeds

    ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 4 years ago
  3. 0
    Born at a Tailgate

    To me, the new initiates are still pledges, except they can no longer clean up the puke around my toilet. They still don’t truly deserve my respect, and they certainly have no right to think they can haze like the older brothers. Pledging in the fall makes you no more of a brother than a spring pledge.

    ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 4 years ago
  4. 0
    Lambda Bro Alpha

    “we elected the white Ray Lewis as pledge trainer. He’s been blowing down small mountains of nose candy, and teen-wolfing handles of Kentucky Deluxe in a blackout fit of rage preparing for your arrival.”

    hahahahahahahahahahahahaha

    ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 4 years ago

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