Did Some Russian Mobsters Just Attack a UW Fraternity House?

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The Delta Upsilon chapter at the University of Washington wins the “Most Chivalrous Chapter of the Year” award, hands down. After subletting one of their fraternity house rooms to an Auburn woman for the the summer, the DUs, just like every other man who asks a woman to live with him, found out that they had gotten more than they bargained for. But while for most men that just means some nagging and the occasional poorly concealed used tampon in the bathroom trash can, for the members of DU it meant a violent home invasion by a crazy ex-boyfriend and his cronies who may or may not also be low level Russian mob enforcers.

I know what you’re thinking; Seattle has organized crime?

From the Seattle Times:

Six members of a University of Washington fraternity were injured and seven intruders arrested after a brawl Wednesday night that began with a dispute over a woman the night before, according to police and witnesses.

Several members of the Delta Upsilon fraternity, where the fight occurred, were injured seriously enough to require hospital treatment, Seattle police said.

Police said the seven suspects were among a larger group that broke into the fraternity on 19th Avenue Northeast armed with bottles, pepper spray, a fire extinguisher and brass knuckles.

According to reports the Russian ex-boyfriend had showed up at the house the night before to speak to the woman subletting at DU, but the fraternity members did not let him enter the house. I bet whoever drunkenly shouted “GET OUTTA HERE YOU COMMIE FUCK” is really regretting it now. No word on if the Russian man muttered “I must break you,” as he left the fraternity’s front porch.

Naturally, in lieu of trying to reach his ex via texts or emails, the Russian man gathered together a dozen or so of his closest friends, grabbed some weapons, and headed back to DU the next night. I feel like there’s a Yakov Smirnoff joke in there somewhere…

“In America, woman no see man because she has no interest in man. In Russia, woman no see man because man blind woman and all her friends with pepper spray for her great disrespect.”

According to a witness from a neighboring fraternity, the gang of Russians broke into the fraternity house through their library window. Feeling neighborly, the man shouted to DU that an armed gang was breaking into their house. Once the Russians were inside the fight spread to several floors. Fortunately the members of DU who were present were able to fend off the Russians long enough to keep them away from the woman until police arrived, at which point the gang tried to flee. However about half of the armed gang was arrested before they could escape.

According to police their investigation into the incident is ongoing.

I should note that at no point in the Seattle Times story is it stated that these men were actually in the Russian mob. I actually reached this conclusion after reading, of all things, the comments on the story. Normally internet comments need to be taken with a giant grain of salt, lest certain writers’ self esteems be forever crushed, but the ones on this story were interesting. It seemed as if all the Seattle Times readers assumed it was a foregone conclusion that the attackers were Russian mobsters. The general tone was “Oh, another Russian mob attack, huh?” So that and the fact that the men were all violent, armed Russians, leads me to believe that DU really might have gotten into a fight with some Russian mob enforcers.

Good on the DU chapter at Washington for standing up to these thugs, and best of luck to you guys, you’ll need it. Because if I learned anything from the movie Eastern Promises, other than that fighting a naked Viggo Mortensen is a terrible idea, it’s that you do not fuck with the Russian mob… unless you’re Viggo Mortensen.

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Bacon

Bacon is Director of Video Content and a Senior Writer for Total Frat Move, Rowdy Gentleman, and Post Grad Problems. He is a graduate, without honors, from the University of Missouri. His fake best-selling novel series, The Frat Romance Novel, has been self-described as a "pioneering achievement in satirical erotica." Bacon is originally from St. Louis, and currently lives in Austin, Texas. He still has not admitted to his family what he does for a living, and is prone to having wet nightmares ever since losing his virginity in a haunted house. Email: rob@grandex.co

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  1. -1
    SigmaSexy

    Only the Huskies would be dumb enough to let a woman with dangerous connections into their house. Next summer, “hot female” will not qualify a woman for subleasing. DU will be like “one last question, do you happen to have any connections to the russian mob. you do? GTFO”

    ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago

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