DirecTV Drops 17 Channels, Becomes Nearly Worthless

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Nice Move

Maybe that giant HD satellite dish wasn’t the best investment for the frat castle now, huh?

After an ongoing dispute, all Viacom channels, including MTV, Nickelodeon, and Comedy Central, were dropped from the DirecTV lineup.

By taking millions of viewers away from South Park, Teen Mom, and The Fairly Oddparents, DirecTV has left many of its drunk and stoned viewers without any form of entertainment.

“I’ve really gotten into HGTV lately,” said a pot-smoking DirecTV subscriber “It just isn’t the same as running back through a few episodes of Spongebob though.”

The dispute arose over Viacom allegedly requesting “too much money” according to the satellite company’s bigwigs.

Viacom disagrees, stating that they were actually being paid less than they were owed. The argument has reached an inevitable stalemate, and only you, the viewer suffers.

Meanwhile, those who choose Cable TV services are doing just fine.

“No issues here,” my roommate stated in an interview. “Before all we had on them was being able to watch TV in the rain, now we can hold Jersey Shore over them too!”

When asked for comments a DirecTV phone-rep responded in a robot voice and would offer no valuable remarks, instead choosing to remind me that “WWE: Money in the Bank” was on sale for $44.99 this Sunday.

The struggle continues, as customers nationwide drunkenly wonder in unison “When the fuck am I going to see Stephen Colbert again?”



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  1. 6
    Haze That Pledge

    Losing MTV is a good thing, BET as well. The only thing I’ll miss Comedy Central for is Tosh and Workaholics, but Spike won’t be missed, neither will Nickelodeon. I’m sure liberals are all worked up because that means less infotainment brainwashing by the liberal blowhards Colbert and Stewart, but that’s fine with me.

    The only channels you really need on TV are ESPN, Fox News, CSPAN, whatever channel River Monsters is on, and the basic cable channels they broadcast football on.

    Viacom can take a hike, especially if this lowers my rates. Huge ass satellite dish had too many damn channels anyway.

    ^ ThisTake a lapLog in or sign up to reply. • 4 years ago
    • 1

      Stewart and Colbert are hilarious (not to mention South Park’s on CC).

      It’s just great that you used the phrase “infotainment brainwashing”, and then wrote FOX News in the very next sentence.

      Don’t throw your back out.

      ^ ThisTake a lapLog in or sign up to reply. • 4 years ago
    • -9
      Haze That Pledge

      Stewart and Colbert are comedians with writers who significantly influence a good portion of young voters’ views on politics. You bring the same worn out liberal charges against Fox News. To imply that Fox is “infotainment brainwashing” is flat out false and there is little evidence to back you up on that. I understand that you’re mad that The One turned out to be a Euro-Socialist Amateur and that you’re deeply stung over how he betrayed you four years ago, but channel your inner liberal rage towards something productive.

      ^ ThisTake a lapLog in or sign up to reply. • 4 years ago
  2. -6

    Spike has NOT been the same since BMS was cancelled so good riddens but what am I supposed to do now when I get shwasted… 90’s Nickelodeon at night was my safe haven… Hell, I can’t even laugh my balls off to Phineas and Ferb now… The only thing still keeping me with the “Satellite Giant” is Sunday Ticket and even then is it really worth it?

    ^ ThisTake a lapLog in or sign up to reply. • 4 years ago
  3. -7

    I can get 90% of content I watch on TV online, but I pay $200 a month for cable. Viacom needs to go fuck itself in the face to death and stop making me pay $200 a month to watch advertisements. I’d throw out my TV and cable box and just watch shows I wanted to online if it wasn’t for live sport games. I respect DirectTV standing up to Viacom, but all they are doing is collectively showing how worthless cable TV really is by reminding people they can all live without it.

    ^ ThisTake a lapLog in or sign up to reply. • 4 years ago