This fraternity/roofie story has a surprising, very ironic twist to it. You fem mongers and fraternity haters are going to have to sit the next couple of plays out (although I assume they wouldn’t be reading this to begin with). To start, the drugged DJ was a guy, and no, this ΣAE chapter is not a predominantly homosexual one (not that there’s anything wrong with that).
A disc jockey was rushed to the emergency room Saturday night from a party at the Sigma Alpha Epsilon fraternity house at the University of Florida. David Joseph Lopez Jr., 21, going by the stage name Luminox, was belligerent and incoherent to the point where he couldn’t continue on with his gig, throwing it down on the 1’s and 2’s like he was born to do. Lopez registered a blood alcohol content of only 0.05 percent upon arrival to the hospital.
After alcohol poisoning was ruled out, it was determined that Lopez was drugged.
When an additional officer arrived at the house, SAE president Alexander Barrett led the officer to the second-floor bathroom, where they found Lopez talking to paramedics.
Police reported that Lopez was “confused and disoriented” during his conversation with officials, according to the report.
What’s that? A helpful fraternity member in a situation involving roofies and a trip to the ER? What are you gonna tell me next, that a girl was responsible for the drugging?
The next day, Lopez tweeted that a girl had stuck a lollipop laced with drugs into his mouth before the event.
“My apologies for anybody who came to see me last night in Gainesville at the SAE court yard #roofied,” he [tweeted].
Such a Luminox tweet. Guy kills me.
But the lollipop roofie trick? Totally unfair. No man can resist mouthing a lollipop when it’s presented from the hands of an attractive female. No one. Fishing with dynamite, my friend. Yes, I’m going to assume she was attractive, because, contrarily, no man would suck away on that thing if a bucktoothed monster was holding it. She might as well tell you it’s covered in AIDs.
Lopez’s manager, Miguel Alfonso Granado…
Frat house DJs have managers. I had no idea.
Lopez: “Hey man, I got an offer to work the Beta house next weekend. They’re throwing some kind of date-painting party. You think I should accept it?”
Manager: “Uhhhhhhh yeah, you’re a fucking frat house DJ.”
Lopez: “Cool, cool.”
Granado said doctors believe Lopez was drugged off-campus before heading to the SAE party.
More evidence that this fraternity house drugging was, in fact, not at the fault of the fraternity at all. Good story with a happy ending and a stereotype shot down. Just doing my part.