Drunk Bears Are Killing People, No Seriously

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Some people have drunk alter egos. We all know the guy who is obnoxiously talkative and the guy who gets depressed and texts his ex from junior year of high school. Of course, we all know that one guy who gets drunk and tries to fight everyone in sight, be it his pledge brothers or the police. We now have evidence to suggest that bears, like that one guy, are violent drunks. Residents of rural villages in eastern India are on alert for drunken bears after recent attacks have killed and wounded 20 people. That’s right. Bears. Drunk bears.

While this sounds hilariously fictional, this is actually a real problem. According to the BBC, locals believe that the bears have been eating too much of the flower from the mahua tree. This flower is used by villagers to brew alcohol. I always figured a drunk bear would just be interested in stealing pic-a-nic baskets, but apparently, these are not your average bears. Or maybe they are, bears are basically just adorable killing machines. Don’t worry, though, villagers have already “mounted a counterattack on the bears, chasing them and beating one to death.”

Apparently, Stephen Colbert has been right all along. Bears do pose a legitimate threat to national security.

I think I know how this is going to play out for the Drunk Bear Gang and their leader.

[via The Washington Times]

BlutarskyTFM (@BlutoGrandex) is a contributing writer for Total Frat Move and Post Grad Problems, the self-appointed Senior Military Analyst for TFM News, founder of the #YesAllMenWhoWearHawaiianShirts Movement, and, on an unrelated note, a huge fan of buffets. While by no means an athletic man, he was the four-square champion of his elementary school in 1997. When not writing poorly organized columns or cracking stupid, inappropriate jokes on Twitter, Bluto pretends to be well-read, finds excuses not to exercise, and actually has a real job.

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