Drunk Dude Breaks Into Restaurant, Mistakes Bottle Of Hot Sauce For Liquor And Chugs It

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Drunk Dude Breaks Into Restaurant, Mistakes Bottle Of Hot Sauce For Liquor And Chugs It

People do stupid stuff when they get drunk. That’s a pretty well-known fact. Scientists have done studies. Once you start drinking, your brain stops telling you that certain things aren’t a bright idea. Some of us are better at controlling our drunk selves than others. Some people, though, they just can’t control themselves at all when intoxicated. They are unable to not do stupid shit. One man in Germany falls into this category of human.

This dude, who I can only assume was having a wild night on the town after his country’s women’s soccer team got stomped by the freedom-loving ladies of Team USA, after drowning his sorrows in alcohol, stole a bicycle and chucked it through the window of a Berlin restaurant.

From NY Daily News:

Cops were called to the scene after neighbors heard the window being smashed.

They found the man, who has not been identified, inside the restaurant.

He claimed he’d broken in because he was thirsty.

Police spokesman Jens Berger said the man may have mistaken the hot sauce bottle for a kind of liquor that is popular in Germany.

What a classic drunken idiot move. Anytime I saw a bike out in front of the house, I always assumed somebody had drunkenly stolen it. It’s just a fact of life. The sun rises in the east, water flows downhill, and drunk people take bikes.

After smashing the window, the dude enters the restaurant, presumably thirsty from the rigorous cardio that is breaking and entering, and looks for something to drink. He spots of a bottle of what appears to be liquor. He opens it and chugs.

Depending on how much he’d had to drink prior to breaking in, his reaction time would have varied. One can reasonably assume that he was pretty fucked up, though, considering he downed about half the bottle before stopping. Why’d he stop? Well, what he thought was liquor was actually Tabasco sauce.

I don’t really ever sympathize with criminals. If you commit the crime, you serve the time. I have to say, though, I feel kind of bad for this dude. I don’t care that he was arrested or that he will likely have to pay some fines or serve time. I just feel bad because you know he was in some excruciating pain that no man could never wish on another the day he got out when he sat down to take a shit. You don’t have to be a doctor to know that fire farts and sriracha shits are never fun.

[via NY Daily News]

Image via YouTube

BlutarskyTFM (@BlutoGrandex) is a contributing writer for Total Frat Move and Post Grad Problems, the self-appointed Senior Military Analyst for TFM News, founder of the #YesAllMenWhoWearHawaiianShirts Movement, and, on an unrelated note, a huge fan of buffets. While by no means an athletic man, he was the four-square champion of his elementary school in 1997. When not writing poorly organized columns or cracking stupid, inappropriate jokes on Twitter, Bluto pretends to be well-read, finds excuses not to exercise, and actually has a real job.

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