Congratulations to Chris Brennan of Estero, Florida. You’ve set the pace for outrageous spring break crimes after you screamed “I will piss in your car!” and then proceeded to urinate through the screen separating the back and front seat of a police car, soiling, among other things, a policeman’s perfectly good sandwich. Your prize? A semi-lucrative future as an Estero area meth dealer!
You’re telling me this guy isn’t going to be dealing meth one day?
Cops showed up shortly after Chris Brennan, 18, and two others were allegedly smashing bottles on a Fort Myers Beach resort at around 2 a.m. Monday, Fort Myers News-Press reported.
A deputy threw Brennan in the back seat of a patrol car for “safety purposes” while he questioned the other two, according to a Lee County Sheriff’s Office report. The teenager responded by banging his head against the car’s window bars and threatening to pee.
He then allegedly urinated through the car’s screen cage and onto the deputy’s personal items, including a cellphone, water bottles, and his lunch bag.
I would say at any given moment my food and my cellphone are two of the top five things I don’t want anyone else fucking with, let alone peeing on. This kid is lucky all he got was a charge of “resisting an officer without violence.” I would’ve given him a solid billy club to the dome. I don’t think anyone would have minded if the kid whose idea of fun is smashing bottles against the walls of a resort at 2:00am lost a few more brain cells.
So once again, well done Chris Brennan, you’ve set the bar high for degenerate Spring Breakers everywhere. I look forward to one day reading about your death on some website’s “Weird News” section with a headline that begins “Only In Florida: Man [insert absurd ‘only in Florida’ death].”
[via The Huffington Post]