Dude Cuts His Wiener Off Because He Couldn’t Get Laid

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***WARNING: Somewhat graphic image below***

I’ve gone on record saying one of the reasons I don’t do drugs is fear that I’ll mutilate my body involuntarily. Maybe I’ll get all hopped up on some new designer hallucinogen and all of a sudden my wiener becomes something expendable, like I don’t need it anymore, and so I rip it off with my bare hands and hand it to someone like they asked me to borrow a pencil. I even spoke about it here. People say I’m unreasonably paranoid, but then I cite crazy stories that grab national headlines about people that do drugs and start casually removing body parts and shit. It’s crazy, but it happens. I still can’t get over that crazy man in Miami that ate a homeless man’s face off.

Drugs are unpredictable and potentially very dangerous. I never thought I’d come across a dick removal story that wasn’t a direct result of hardcore drugs, but here we have this 26-year-old Chinese man who was so depressed that he couldn’t get with chicks that he cut his wiener clean off. Then, because he realized that what he’d done probably wasn’t the brightest idea, he took a casual bike ride to the hospital to get stitched up. He forgot to bring his dick with him, though.

What a doofus! Seriously, what kind of moron forgets to bring his dick?!

The doctors instructed the dickless man to pedal BACK TO HIS HOUSE to retrieve the severed penis, and once he returned with it, they’d try to reattach it for him — a fine example of communist medicine at work.

Can you imagine seeing some dude cruise by you on his bicycle in obvious critical condition as evidenced by the blood gushing from his groin area, then, let’s say 45 minutes later, you see the same guy cruise right past you again because he went home to get his dick? That’ll give the neighborhood gossip queens something to yap about at the next block party.

“Did you see Yang ride by the other day on his Schwinn?”

“Yeah, what the hell was he doing? He looked like he was covered in blood!”

“He WAS covered in blood. Rumor has it he cut his dick off and then forgot it at the house.”

“HAHAHA what an IDIOT!!!”

“That’s ol’ Yang for ya.”

From Daily Mail:

When Yang Hu, 26, eventually arrived back at the hospital with the severed member, doctors told him that it had been without blood for too long, and it was impossible to reattach it.

Yang’s friends said that he had been increasingly depressed about the fact that since moving to the city he could not find a girlfriend.

The doctors really boned him, if you ask me.

Poor Yang.

Poor Yang.

[via Daily Mail]

Image via Shutterstock

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Roger_Dorn

Roger Dorn (@RogerJDorn) is the Vice President of Media for Grandex, Inc. He's a native Texan with a full head of hair and knows his way around a nice box of red wine. Dorn graduated (BBA) with a GPA sitting in the meaty part of the bell curve, not lagging behind, but not trying to show off, either. Golf is his game now. He's long off the tee but can't putt for shit. Email: dillon@grandex.co

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