ESPN’s Ryen Russillo Tells A Story From His Fraternity Days That’s Almost Too Unbelievable To Be True

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On his radio show on ESPN Radio yesterday, Ryen Russillo finished off his show by answering a question from a listener who wanted to know what Russillo’s weirdest fraternity alumni interaction was like. Russillo’s story is amazing.

When he was a fifth-year senior hanging out at his fraternity house one day, a dude rolled in who claimed to be a graduate brother from a different school (Russillo attended the University of Vermont, where he was a member of SAE). Russillo claims his chapter was not even very hospitable to their own alums, so they weren’t too interested in hanging out with a grad from a different chapter. Russillo goes on to describe his chapter as “unorganized, super lazy guys, just really into ourselves.” TFM.

The grad is around the age of 30 and pretty much invites himself to play in a fraternity softball game that Russillo’s chapter was putting on later that day. After talking big game to the undergrads, the dude lays out to make a catch in the outfield and appears to injure his shoulder. Russillo notes that he is clearly a tryhard who is attempting to fit in. They get back to the house after the game and the alum is mad that the fraternity isn’t raging yet. Russillo explains how they’re going to start drinking a little later because it’s a nice day out and people are just trying to chill.

Not satisfied with this response, the alum starts pouring himself Bacardi 151 and Cokes. He is the only one drinking (the brothers are ignoring him at this point) and gets completely smashed all by himself. The guy is apparently a tank and somehow isn’t passed out yet by the time the fraternity has a party that night. At the party, the grad then proceeds to go full annoying alum, repeatedly starting conversations with multiple undergrads who want absolutely nothing to do with him.

Then, for some unknown reason, the alum decides he wants to jump out the fraternity house’s first story window. Russillo got on a ladder and was literally holding this random man inside the house, preventing him from jumping. He ends up jumping, landing on some mattresses that the chapter had laid out for him (probably in an act of risk management, not because they didn’t want the man to get injured). The alum then gets up, runs away from the house, and disappears.

An hour later, the cops show up to the fraternity house and tell the brothers that there’s an escaped mental patient, and ask if they’ve seen him. Sure enough, the alum met the description. Except he wasn’t actually an alum at all — he was, obviously, just an escaped mental patient. They ended up finding him a day later, alive, underneath a porch.

God I love fraternity stories. Unreal.

[via ESPN Radio]

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