IFC meetings can be seven different kinds of boring all on their own, but it’s the pre-meeting announcements that often get the snooze-train rolling. These are some of the cringe-worthy events that might take place before an IFC meeting.
The App Pitch
The presenter is a 35-year-old male in a baggy suit with a face resembling that of the Shamwow guy. He walks up to the room, greets everyone, and tells a really poor and contrived joke about emojis, hashtags, or whatever he thinks the kids are talking about these days. After a lukewarm response, he gets into the presentation, fumbling through the slides on his PowerPoint:
“Alright, guys! Our new app is called EventFam! You just load it up and turn on your location, and it finds all the events going on near you. You can add all your friends by their phone number, Facebook, or email address, and those people are your Fam. Whenever you RSVP to an event you want to go to, it’ll automatically show you if any of your Fam are going as well! It’s going to change the way you college kids run your social lives.”
He pauses to wait for applause, approval, or anything really, only to be met with dead silence. He continues the pitch.
“I sure wish I would’ve had this in college when my friends and I wanted to meet up for a Limp Bizkit concert. You kids today don’t know how lucky you are. Anyway, this app could be great for posting your frat parties so everyone can see them!”
Amid visible eye rolls and audible sighs, he ends the presentation and hands out slips of paper with the logo and name of the app.
The Philanthropy Announcement
A girl your age walks up to the front of the room.
“Hi, guys, my name is Sophia. I’m the captain of the chess club, co-chairman of our school’s chapter of the Vegan Society, and I’ve just founded a new philanthropic organization on campus. It’s called Chargers for Children, and we collect your old iPhone chargers and fly them over to sub-Saharan Africa to give them to children in need. So far, we’ve collected nearly 60 phone chargers, but we need the help of the Greek community. As you all know, iPhone chargers are very thin and are prone to getting bent and frayed, which is exacerbated by the rough conditions of the region. With your help, we can make a difference. Thank you for your time.”
After she departs the room, your Greek adviser angrily marches to the front.
The Guilt Trip
“Okay, guys…It’s come to my attention that some of you are having way too much fun out on Greek Row. Last week, the Vice President of the university walked by and saw several people having a water balloon fight in one of the fraternity houses’ yards, and even noted that they were smiling and laughing throughout the whole incident. We need to limit behavior like this, as we exist for academic and philanthropic purposes, not to be prancing around and having a good time. Thank you all. Now let’s get started with the meeting.”
With that, your drowsiness gets the best of you and you begin drifting off to a faraway place. Next time we’ll look at the goings-on of an actual meeting..
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