Fuck The Warriors

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Yeah, I bet on the Cavaliers, and I’ll be hedging that shit harder than a Guatemalan groundskeeper tomorrow. But no matter who wins, one thing is clear: the Warriors are classless and do not deserve to represent the NBA as champions, let alone the “best team ever.”

I could go on and on lambasting Steph Curry, his prepubescent physique and complete defensive ineptitude; the Warriors lack of physicality, the general video game nature of their supposed “scheme,” but you can read about that on ESPN.

What ESPN is afraid to say, with the possibility of the Curry-led Warriors completing their quest for supposed “greatness,” is the fact all real NBA fans should be rooting against them, a team that does not deserve to be remembered.

Let’s start with Curry, our self imagined “tough” point guard with more turnovers than rebounds so far in the series. His antics this season, from calling himself the “best player in the world” to Game 6’s tantrum showcasing levels of maturity to match his childlike physique, I have had enough of the supposed “good guy” of the NBA.

Imagine if LeBron James fouled out of Game 6 in the middle of a series in which his team had just blown a 3-1 advantage and Curry had led both teams in points, rebounds, steals, assists, and blocks, while LeBron accumulated the most turnovers. In other words, an exact role reversal of what has happened in this series. How do you think the fans, the media, and the NBA would react?

“LeBron just doesn’t have a killer instinct” Steven A. Smith would proclaim. “He just isn’t big time.” A middling, ostracized former NBA player on ESPN. “The Cavs need to make serious personnel changes to compete with the giants of the Western Conference.” Sure, Bill Simmons.

Instead, Coach Steve Kerr is “glad Curry showed some emotion.” Are you fucking kidding me? The self-proclaimed “best player on earth,” in the midst of a solar eclipse of a series for his game, behaves like TFM commenters after an Intern Sydney column, and you’re glad he “shows some emotion?”

Ok. How about the aforementioned “superstar” Coach Steve Kerr? Sitting on the bench with his head in his hands looking like Lawrence Fishburne when he realized his daughter’s “acting role” was the meat in a Morpheus sandwich (worth a Google), Kerr has sat idly by, making no semblance of an adjustment since Game 4. Curry, for instance, is the focal point of the entire Cavs offense. Picks and motion until either LeBron or Kyrie are one-on-one with the “best player on the planet,” he gets horrifically abused, and neither of the superstars finish themselves or pass to a wide open shooter/lob to Thompson depending on the scrambling defensive desperation.

But Kerr does nothing. How about Draymond “watch your balls” Green? Imagine if LeBron was grabbing more dicks than a blow bang video, it’d be the absolute end of his legacy. But with Green, well, Draymond is all about “toughness” and “passion.” He’s just a “hard-nosed ball player” as Mike Breen proclaimed. Yea, nothing “tougher” than surprise shots to the balls.

Harrison Barnes? Having his “best season as a pro” according to Mark Jackson, the high schooler Slam Magazine claimed could be the “next LeBron James” has made the series a sad game of NBA 2K16, in which the Cavs can simply double every possession, leaving the soon-to-be free agent wide open. He’s made them pay to the tune of 17 consecutive missed shots.

How about Klay “remedial Mike Posner” Thompson? In between defensive pummeling at the hands of LeBron James, he is shooting the lowest postseason percentage of his career. But yes Klay, as you told us countless times this season, you’re the best pure shooter not named Steph Curry in the league. Right.

The Warriors are a collection of the league’s most self-absorbed, self-appreciative, whiny frauds in the history of the modern NBA. And that is really saying something.

And their spouses, well, imagine if someone connected to LeBron claimed the NBA is “rigged.” Hey Ayesha, was it rigged last year when the Warriors beat a one man army for their first title in our lifetimes? That, I can agree with.

Go Cavs. Win or lose, the Warriors do not deserve a single syllable in the discussion of “greatest ever.” Nor does their supposed “star” point guard.

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