FAIL FRIDAY: Crotch Vomit

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Ten real submissions, 20 photos, and two videos that didn’t seem quite right. Names were omitted to protect the guilty.

Shitting with the toilet seat up. TFM.
-California

My hope is that one day you’ll put more effort into your TFM submissions than your waste evacuation.

Not using glasses for milk because you only take pulls. TFM.
-Colorado

When you were a kid your mom wanted to smother you with a pillow.

Introducing yourself to women as “Mr. TFM.” TMrTFMM.
-Missouri

Total Mr. TFM Move? What an ass hat.

Giving the dog a keg stand while your best friend has a raging boner chasing a kid in a wheelchair. TFM.
-Florida

Dog keg stands and wheelchair rape. Classy.

GETTING A PLEDGE TO READ THE TFM BOOK TOO YOU CAUSE YOU’RE TFTC TO LEARN HOW TO READ. TEE EFF EMM.
–Washington

GO FUCK YOURSELF.

Ordering a fuck ton of créme brûlée. TFM.
-Ball So Hard State University

Tonight when my waitress asks if I’d like desert I’m responding, “Bring me a fuck ton of créme brûlée. It’s a TFM.”

Jerking it into your step-sister’s bra while watching the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show with your dog. TFM.
–Indiana

I bet your dog just stares at you, filled with shame.

Ending a night of coke-fueled cramming by pulling your shlong out in class and responding to the professor’s look of horror by simply stating that you’re preparing to rape an exam. TFM.
–Mississippi

“Don’t worry about it, teach. I’m about to butt fuck this test.”

Transferring schools when you see half of your chapter has Pokemon Facebook profile pics. TFM.
–Ohio

This is a bizarre, terrifying scenario.

The house fleshlight being worn out in a week. TFM.
-Ohio

I don’t think you’re supposed to share those.


I think I saw this outfit in the latest GQ.


If you don’t get recruitment help from the homeless, who do you get it from?


You’re doing it wrong.


Looks like he had one too many.


The ole reach-around power point.


“Do I have some on my face?” “No, you’re good.”


He’s really giving her the pole.


If you’re not comfortable enough in your sexuality to do a body shot off a buddy, then I feel sorry for you.


You know why the Sasquatch has that look on his face? Because you stopped and shamelessly took a cell phone picture.


No, yes, yes, yes.


I like the way he moves.


Screamo. TFTC.


Double-teaming her. TFM.


It does not, sir.


At least he has his sword.


I aspire for facial hair like that.

If you take a selfie, please remember to put on pants.


That’s unfortunate.


They are so presh.


This isn’t the way to end your night.

Kappa So Swag

I Want It That Way

Kate Upton chaser

Chapters one and nine of the TOTAL FRAT MOVE book are online now, read them here.

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Nice Move

Comments

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  1. 2
    Greg Frattux

    FELLOW KAPPA SIGMAS, PLEASE READ

    Stop video taping yourself. Stop it. Fucking stop it. Nothing good ever happens. Take your fucking video camera and go pawn it so you’re never tempted to video tape yourself doing anything ever again. Fucking stop.

    Thank you and AEKDB

    ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago
  2. 1
    FaF_Gentleman

    I have an idea, why dont we hire an Intern to do a column for us, so we don’t have to! ONE FUCKING JOB, Intern… One fucking job… Next time lets post Fail Friday before I’m ready for nap time.

    ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago
  3. 1
    Dick_P

    Fuck you intern, it’s about time. I will kill you then rape your moms mouth for this travesty of having FF this fuckin late you jizz stain on society.

    ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago

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