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FAIL FRIDAY: Everyday is April Fools for TFM Intern

This is a recurring TFM series. Catch up with all installments of Fail Friday by visiting the archive.

Why? Because it’s the anthem, and if I have to read these submissions, you have to listen to the goddamn anthem. SING IT:

Eleven real submissions, four photos and one video, that didn’t seem quite right. Names were omitted to protect the guilty.

Being a straight guy on the college cheer team. TFM.
-New Mexico

Good for you. Make sure you keep those spirit fingers extra hetero.

Woke up to eggs drenched in hot sauce. FM. Eating them off her chest. TFM.
-Michigan

Why dirty a plate when you can use her flat chest?

Using slampiece tears as anal lubricant. TFM.
-Virginia

For the love of God…not ok, man. Not ok.

As I get older my shorts will get shorter and my balls will hang lower. I think you see where this is going. TFM.
-Florida

This ends with your children no longer bringing your grandchildren over for Thanksgiving. Eventually they won’t show for Christmas, and then they’ll disown you altogether. Also, your balls will be taking a swim every time you take a dump.

I used urine as contact solution. TFM.
–D.C.

What kind of kick ass ocular infection did you get out of this? Seek medical attention.

There are two things that are frowned upon by society that bother me: jacking off and getting high. Both of which I have concluded are two of the best medicines ever. If combined they could potentially cure cancer. I plan on continuing my study. TFM.
–Tennessee

Finally, someone discovers the cure for cancer: masturbating high. This is exactly why you shouldn’t post TFMs right after you get stoned and spank it.

Man law only applies between friends, or at the urinal. Well, anytime dicks are out. TFM.
–Florida

COME ON. What possessed you to post this? Do you make ookie cookies at your chapter?

Cop arrested me so I shit in his back seat. Jokes on him. TFM.
–Kentucky

I think the joke is still on you. Now you’re in the back of a cop car, all covered in shit. How long did you spend in the psych ward? Sociopath.

I put the STD in stud all I need is u. TFM.
–Louisiana

…and a shot of penicillin, or a cycle of Valtrex.

Stole a bokk from the library, censor went off and i ran in my flipflops. TFM.
–New Mexico

You’ve never read a fucking book, so I assume you stole it in order to sell it and buy some of those flip-flops with the bottle openers on the bottom.

Considering polygamy so you can be connected to all your sisters forever. TSM.
–Utah

Incredibly creepy. Utah, you never cease to amaze me.

This might actually make your weekend better:

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TFM Intern

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