Well in the most unsurprising news of the day, Farrah “I Hired a Porn Star to Fuck Me On Camera” Abraham has entered rehab. The perennial trainwreck, best known for her rise to “fame” on MTV’s Teen Mom, has entered an out patient rehab treatment center in Palm Beach Gardens, FL.
Farrah was arrested in March for a DUI. She then made a sex tape with James Deen, a porn star, where she proved to the world she is both stupid and astoundingly slutty. After multiple interviews during which she claimed she was FINE, Abraham elected to enter rehab on her own (as opposed to being ordered to do so by a judge). During this time, the ever-absent mother has left her offspring, Sophia, in the care of her father, Michael.
I’m just going to come out and say it: she’s not rehab-ready yet. Lindsay Lohan was ready for rehab, because she was literally doing crack. Whitney Houston and Amy Winehouse are rehab icons. Amanda Bynes needs to go to rehab, if not for drugs, for her Twitter addiction. Farrah Abraham got a DUI and gave a porn star a blowjob. If I were her, I would develop a drug problem, hoping that it would help me black out enough to forget all of the terrible decisions I made.
I’m 99% positive she’s doing this for publicity (shocker), because everyone knows the pictures the paparazzi takes of a celebrity as she or he leaves rehab are pure fucking gold. I picture my exit from rehab all the time. I obviously got there because I’ve just keyed the fuck out of the car of my cheating second husband. When I leave, I’ll be Kate Moss skinny, wearing some chic little black leggings and drape-y top scenario for the momentous occasion. I’ll attempt to cover my face with a pillow while the paparazzi bombard me in an attempt to get good exit photos, which will later become tabloid gold. Rehab is great for your career.
This of course, would require Farrah to have a career. I’m still unclear as to what it is she does, but she loves to promote miscellaneous products (such as weight loss pills) and clubs on Twitter — EXACTLY what a mother should be doing.
To further bolster my “get sober for fame” theory, Farrah tweeted today:
No, they most certainly are not. My only other theory is she entered rehab to do research for her next sex tape: Farrah Abraham Fucks an Orderly.
[via USA Today]
Image via Associated Press