Fire In The Hole: Police Arrest Woman Concealing A Pistol In Her Vagina

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I have my concealed carry permit. I’m not too worried about my own safety or anything–I just figured it couldn’t hurt to have it in case I ever found myself in a situation where I decided I wanted to pack some extra heat. I’ve carried my pistol in all the usual places. I’ve had it in a holster, in my jacket pocket, and even in my boot once, which was not comfortable at all. I feel like those are pretty standard places to keep a gun, right? Maybe they’re good enough for you and me, but they aren’t for Dallas Archer, a woman recently arrested in Tennessee.

Archer was arrested after a traffic violation for driving on a suspended license. While officers were booking her, they conducted a standard search. They had to make sure she didn’t have any weapons, drugs, or other contraband that could be a hazard to law enforcement officers and other inmates in the jail. During this routine process, one of the female officers conducting the search noticed something out of the ordinary.

After becoming aware of an “unknown object” in Archer’s crotchal region, the officer summoned another female officer to assist her in a more detailed search. After taking Archer into the bathroom, the officers found a gun in the woman’s vagina.

I’m serious, guys. I couldn’t make this shit up if I tried.

More specifically, they found a 4-inch long North American Arms revolver chambered for a .22LR round. Okay, get your laughs out now. Four inches. Everyone good? Let’s continue.

I don’t know why Archer was carrying that pistol, and I don’t know why she decided to carry it there–all I know is that this is utterly hilarious. To add more humor to the situation, the cops were able to track down the actual owner of the firearm.

John Souther, a retired 70-year-old man from Kingsport, Tenn., was contacted by the authorities, who informed him that they’d found his stolen firearm. It had been missing for more than a year after it was taken from his car. I’m sure he was elated–that is, of course, until they told him where they found it.

From what I can gather, it seems as though Souther plans to keep his pistol.

“The ‘little fellow,’ he said, would need a ‘bath in bleach.’ ”

I don’t know, man. I’m not sure if I’d want a pistol that had been in the vagina of a girl who’s the kind of girl who would hide a pistol in her vagina. Maybe it’s just me, but I’m not sure if even bleach would make that gun clean enough for me to ever hold again.

Source:

[via NY Daily News]

BlutarskyTFM (@BlutoGrandex) is a contributing writer for Total Frat Move and Post Grad Problems, the self-appointed Senior Military Analyst for TFM News, founder of the #YesAllMenWhoWearHawaiianShirts Movement, and, on an unrelated note, a huge fan of buffets. While by no means an athletic man, he was the four-square champion of his elementary school in 1997. When not writing poorly organized columns or cracking stupid, inappropriate jokes on Twitter, Bluto pretends to be well-read, finds excuses not to exercise, and actually has a real job.

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