Fire Tornadoes Exist and We’re All Fucked

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We’ve really been lacking on 2012 Apocalypse talk around here lately so allow me to reopen that discussion with the most terrifying concept I’ve heard about since proposed bans on Plan B. May I present to you: FIRE TORNADOES.

No, that wasn’t the climactic scene to a yet to be penned Backdraft sequel (but my God let’s make that happen). This was in fact a real life flaming twister (not to be confused with the popular Fire Island night club “The Twisting Flamer”). This video is earth, wind, and fire coming together to SWALLOW YOUR SOUL, and it’s terrifying.

I consider myself lucky that I won’t be in Australia when the planet is destroyed. I’m cool having to deal with whatever earthquake or Mexican drug cartel destroys Texas. That’s WAY better than having your house invaded by GIANT POISONOUS SPIDERS WITH AN UNSLAKABLE THRIST FOR HUMAN BLOOD only to run outside and be swallowed whole by FIRE TORNADOES. I’d prefer to not have my home fucked by the devil’s giant dancing dick.

Also, if global warming doesn’t exist then WHY ARE OUR TORNADOES LIGHTING ON FIRE!?!?! HMMMM? HMMMM? Oh God! Al Gore was right!

Enjoy your last few months on Earth everybody.

***


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Bacon

Bacon is Director of Video Content and a Senior Writer for Total Frat Move, Rowdy Gentleman, and Post Grad Problems. He is a graduate, without honors, from the University of Missouri. His fake best-selling novel series, The Frat Romance Novel, has been self-described as a "pioneering achievement in satirical erotica." Bacon is originally from St. Louis, and currently lives in Austin, Texas. He still has not admitted to his family what he does for a living, and is prone to having wet nightmares ever since losing his virginity in a haunted house. Email: rob@grandex.co

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  1. 2
    The Baron

    As scary as this is, let us not forget how terrifying and detrimental to society the Jerry Jones/Papa Johns Rap commercial is.

    ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago

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