Fire Tornadoes Exist and We’re All Fucked

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We’ve really been lacking on 2012 Apocalypse talk around here lately so allow me to reopen that discussion with the most terrifying concept I’ve heard about since proposed bans on Plan B. May I present to you: FIRE TORNADOES.

No, that wasn’t the climactic scene to a yet to be penned Backdraft sequel (but my God let’s make that happen). This was in fact a real life flaming twister (not to be confused with the popular Fire Island night club “The Twisting Flamer”). This video is earth, wind, and fire coming together to SWALLOW YOUR SOUL, and it’s terrifying.

I consider myself lucky that I won’t be in Australia when the planet is destroyed. I’m cool having to deal with whatever earthquake or Mexican drug cartel destroys Texas. That’s WAY better than having your house invaded by GIANT POISONOUS SPIDERS WITH AN UNSLAKABLE THRIST FOR HUMAN BLOOD only to run outside and be swallowed whole by FIRE TORNADOES. I’d prefer to not have my home fucked by the devil’s giant dancing dick.

Also, if global warming doesn’t exist then WHY ARE OUR TORNADOES LIGHTING ON FIRE!?!?! HMMMM? HMMMM? Oh God! Al Gore was right!

Enjoy your last few months on Earth everybody.

***


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Bacon

Bacon is Director of Video Content and a Senior Writer for Total Frat Move, Rowdy Gentleman, and Post Grad Problems. He is a graduate, without honors, from the University of Missouri. His fake best-selling novel series, The Frat Romance Novel, has been self-described as a "pioneering achievement in satirical erotica." Bacon is originally from St. Louis, and currently lives in Austin, Texas. He still has not admitted to his family what he does for a living, and is prone to having wet nightmares ever since losing his virginity in a haunted house. Email: rob@grandex.co

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    • -1
      Tallapoosa Snu

      There’s such an incredible girl:guy ratio there that outside American Naval stations theres literally billboards full of women and their pictures and numbers because they are desperate for good looking guys to hook up with… not prostitutes, just beautiful women that want dick and know athletic guys that have been stuck womanless on a boat for months want to go have a few drinks and fuck beautiful Austrailian women with those accents. You can have a shrimp and still get a barbie if you catch my drift. And it’s been this way for years, even my grandpa has stories about showing up in uniform and having gorgeous women cling to him just wanting good looking American dick

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago

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