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Flaming Beer Pong Ball Starts Fire At College Apartment

Nothing ruins a great game of BP faster than dented ping pong balls. Whether it got flattened by that one brother who always tries to impress his female partner with his soccer skills, or by the fat, drunk brother whose poor coordination is simultaneously hilarious and depressing, the game is now at a standstill. You tell a pledge to go get you another ball, but there are none. What do you do now?

The Press Enterprise of Bloomsburg reports (a) student was using a lighter to pop a dent out of the ball Friday afternoon when he dropped it. The student and his roommate tried to stomp on the ball to extinguish but it rolled under a bed, setting the bed on fire… Chief Bob Rupp says students elsewhere in the apartment building failed to leave despite blaring alarms and heavy smoke.

The students elsewhere in the apartment building. TFTC.

We’ve all heard of this method. I’ve seen this method tried before, and it ended the exact same way. It was probably one of the funniest/most terrifying moments of my life. My friend was holding his lighter up to the dented ball when the ball suddenly burst into flames in his hand. In drunken survival mode, he threw the ball away from him faster than a Pikachu Quick Attack. It proceeded to land right on another buddy’s eye. The table tennis crucible deflected off his cornea and dropped onto the carpet, where it proceeded to burn a nice hole right into the ground. Long story frat, they didn’t get all of their security deposit back.

It’s times like these (hell, it’s all the time) that I’m thankful I go to an eUniversity such as DeVry. We never have to worry about flaming plastic death-spheres destroying our Cheeto-dust covered efficiencies. Thank God, because I have waaayyyy too much money invested in my comic book collection to risk even just ONE crease on any of my first editions, let alone to risk all of them burning to a crisp faster than that noob level 67 Paladin after I used my Staff of Incineration on his bitch ass.

So yeah, if you ever get a dent in a beer pong ball, just get another. If there are none, just switch to flip cup. It’s just not worth it, folks.

[via Business Insider]

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Jared Borislow

Jared Borislow (né The DeVry Guy) is a writer and content manager for Grandex Inc and a 2015 graduate of the University of Wisconsin. He has been called the "Patron Saint of Butt Stuff" despite never having engaged in sexual activity of any nature until he turned 21, which he is still convinced is the minimum age at which you can legally have sex.

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