Flammable Chinese Liquor: Coming to a Liquor Store Near You (Maybe)

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Nice Move

For fuck’s sake, as if the Chinese weren’t already gunning for us.

The Chinese libation, baijiu, has officially become the most popularly consumed alcoholic beverage in the world, largely because China has a massive population, most of whom find the flammable, white, 110 proof liquor enjoyable. This is also coming from the country that lied about selling 9-year-old gymnasts to the government in order to win a few gold medals, but whatever.

According to researchers with International Wine & Spirit Research (note to self: get a fucking job involving field-level research with these people), baiju accounts for over 1/3 of all the alcohol consumed in the entire world. That means that only 2/3 of alcohol consumed WORLDWIDE consisted of all other types of liquor, beer and wine combined. Literally 33.33333 (and so on) percent of the booze consumed on Earth is this Chinese adult beverage, which is both a terrifying and damning indictment on our global society.

In an attempt to enter the global market, baijiu makers are interested in selling their product to American distilleries. US businesses are on board with the idea.

Michael Pareles, a manager at the US Meat Export Federation in Beijing said of the alcohol, “it tasted like paint-thinner and felt like a liquid lobotomy” (sign me up. NOT) “However, like many other things in China, I eventually grew to like it.” I’m assuming the “other things” Pareles is referring to must be the services offered at massage parlors. Just a guess.

Apparently, the liquor is so terrible it’s going to take years to find a distillation process that makes it suitable for the refined palatte of American consumers. After all, I’m sure there is ZERO room for something that is basically the ingestible form of lighter fluid among American drinkers. We are the culture with refined tastes for Natty Light. Fucking duh.

I’m on board to get a little international with my libations, chiefly because prohibition was a real buzz kill when it came to regulating American liquor content. If you’ve never drunk Ouzo, Grappa, real Absinthe, or Becherovka, I’m sorry for you my friends. Studying abroad is all about getting fucked up on semi-deadly liquors…and learning about other cultures, or something, too. I think 95% of the reason people go on Birthright is that Arak is roughly 125 proof.

I understand the need for alcohol that doesn’t taste as if it’s killing your liver while it’s actually doing so, but I truly think there could be a market for a flammable, 110 proof liquor. Doesn’t Popov taste like rubbing alcohol? 151 is flammable.

Either way, there’s a good chance that sake bombs may be a lesson in Asian history, and baijiu might provide us with a more current cultural study of the far east.

[via Yahoo]

Image via Yahoo

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