It’s a well-known fact that the campus dining hall is one of the most hit or miss locations on campus. Every once in a while they’ll break out something delicious, but usually it’s just the same old stuff. Some folks are completely fine with dropping a lot of bills to eat hamburgers and various rice dishes every day for four to seven years –others not so much. That’s why it’s infuriating when you get stuck with a meal like my dude Chidie Otuonye from Florida A&M. How bad did they do this man? See for yourself.
An apple, chips, some unknown desert wrapped in plastic, and a butt bread sandwich. According to Chidie, he’s paying almost three grand a semester for meals of that caliber. The only thing that looks even close to appetizing is the apple, and for all we know it’s got a bottom mushier than Lena Dunham’s. It’s a serious slap in the face when your Gold Plus meal plan features a piece of ass bread in any way shape or form. No VIP has ever eaten the end portion of a loaf of bread unless it’s freshly baked and comes with a crisp Sauvignon Blanc. Its sole purpose is to protect your good bread from going green or stale, not to be consumed by humans.
As for the rest of the meal, Lay’s Barbecue chips are a matter of preference. They usually require a couple beers and some box burgers to be truly appreciated amongst the chip hierarchy. That apple’s already a stem down which makes it useless. Half the fun of eating apples is pretending they’re grenades and chucking them at pedestrians. If the bread and gimp apple are any indication, that plastic wrapped monstrosity is just a dyed lump of Splenda with icing that reads “Fuck You” in script.
Let this be a lesson to all you meal plan types. Never trust a university to give you a VIP dining experience. Just be cool enough to get a bid and enjoy meals in a real Gold environment. Either that, or find a slam that can cook and mooch off her until she invites you to Christmas. Rinse and repeat as needed. Either of those two options will do you better than the hungover townie dropping hair in your mac and cheese, and neither of them will subject you to the horrors of butt bread.
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